Welcome to the Miller Big Top Circus

Praline French Toast Casserole and Cheesy Southern Quiche with Country Ham

2011-10-25T16:32:00.012-05:00

The Hubs and I decided that these two items would be perfect to serve for a birthday breakfast that we were having for my much older friend turning 35. We wanted to make something that we were sure that kids would like (since we have 7 between the two of us) and you just can't go wrong with a cheesy quiche and french toast, any style.

The verdict:

Wow. Wow. Did I say WOW!?

Y'all this French Toast Casserole was pure bliss. I can't even describe to you how wonderful it was. But I am gonna try.

First of all Let me just tell you the ingredients do not dissapoint, half and half, cinnamon, nutmeg, brown sugar, pecans, and two sticks of butter - just to name a few.

You start by making a divine custard mixture and then pour it over torn pieces of french bread. You let that bad baby set in the fridge overnight. Pretty typical of a baked bread casserole like this.

BUT WAIT...

There is more!

This is where it gets GOOD, real good.

There is this praline topping that you make out of the butter and brown sugar and and cinnamon and nutmeg. You spread (think: smear on like frosting) on top of the casserole and then bake until the most wonderful, deliciousness emerges from the oven.

Y'all it was a little crispy on the outside from the sugar caramelizing on the top, but then the bread had soaked up the custard mixture and made it moist and perfectly puffy on the inside. It had the perfect combination of flavor from the cinnamon, and nutmeg and the praline topping.

It was AMAZING!

As far as the quiche goes, it is definitely a great basic quiche recipe. I traveled to France as a nanny for several summers I have acquired a love of all things french. So I have made my fair share of quiche. I typically like to add fresh herbs, and combinations of cheeses and make them a little nontraditional. But this is a great recipe if you are looking for a no fail combination of flavor and texture. My friends kids love eggs and they could not get enough of this quiche. It definitely got the kid seal of approval.

And quiche is SO easy to make. You just have to keep a frozen pie crust on hand and some eggs. The rest of the ingredients you can experiment with. Bacon, spinach, ham, tomatoes, onion, sausage, all sorts of cheeses. Imagine the line up at a brunch omelet station - all of those ingredients are fabulous in a quiche. You really should try it.

I didn't make the homemade pie crust - gonna hold out on that
one for the sweet pies in this book.

torn bread in a buttered casserole begging for the custard to be poured on top

fresh grated nutmeg - do y'all have a "nut house"?

That little nutmeg grater is what I refer to as the "nut house". It stores the nutmeg on top and is one of my favorite kitchen tools. Probably has nothing to do with me feeling like I live in a nut house on some days, I am sure it is because it is just such a nifty tool!

Remember when I said - smear like frosting? Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Beautiful! and oh so yummy.

So we served these two dishes up with some fresh fruit and they were the perfect menu items for a birthday brunch - kids included!

This weekend we have a little cold snap coming through. I am already trying to decide what's coming next. Chicken and Dumplings, Cure-All Chicken and Rice Soup, Fried Onion Soup?? What do you think?

NEW ADVENTURE UNDER THE MILLER BIG TOP

2011-10-21T16:01:00.002-05:00

I recently got to cross something BIG off my bucket list! The hubs and I got to meet and have lunch with PAULA DEEN at the Metropolitan Cooking Show in Houston! Back in 2009 you may remember that I wrote here about how I love her laugh and that someday I hoped to meet her. She does not disappoint y'all!

It was a hoot. She had us in stitches and you know what surprised us - that her sweet "appears to be quiet on t.v. husband" was not quiet. Micheal was as funny as she was. The whole things was a dream.

I got to tell her that she was "my person". Out of all the celebrities in the world she is my gal.

Why? Well it definitely has something to do with that infectious laugh of hers. I love to laugh. Don't you? That laugh that gets you way down in the belly and if your lucky brings you to tears??! Man, if I laugh like that - it's a good day.

But mostly it is about who she is. She is a hardworking woman that loves her family, loves to cook, laugh, and live it up. Yeah, she uses A LOT of butter. But she loves her friends and family through those delicious recipes like no other!

She cares about leaving a legacy of the sights, sounds, taste, and smells that come from a kitchen of a woman that loves you. And it really doesn't matter where you are from or what size of kitchen you have, she shows you that you can love people through food. However, I think that anyone from the South (especially from Texas) has a one-up on the rest of the world in the hospitality department ;)

She told us about her new cookbook that was coming out and the luncheon was comprised of recipes from it. She told us of her hopes and dreams for this cookbook - that it would become a staple in kitchens for southern cooking. It was a dream y'all? Did I mention that already?

So, I pre ordered the cookbook. It came - signed. Oh yeah, be jealous. Now I have two cookbooks and a chef coat signed. Trinkets to treasure a beautiful memory.

I relished over the pages. Trying to decide what I was going to make first. How was I going to decide? So the hubs and I came up with a plan. We are going Julie & Julia style on this cookbook!! We are going to make and document every single recipe.

So to honor Paula and her beautiful new cookbook I am going to delve deep into the fabulous world of Southern Cookin' I plan on living it up in the kitchen with my super sous chef, The Hubs. I hope that we laugh so much that we mess up a recipe here or there because we are having so much fun - oh and also so that we burn off some of those extra calories the next few months may bring ;)

So y'all jump on board and join us in this journey!

Tomorrow we are starting with breakfast:

Praline French Toast Casserole

Cheesy Southern Quiche with Country Ham

I am so excited I am not sure I'll be able to sleep.

On the Pecos Texas Trail

2010-11-29T12:44:00.000-06:00

We aren’t in a wagon, but we may as well be because we are in the Ford Fusion that apparently has transmission problems that my husband knew about but didn’t get fixed before a nine hour car drive… At some point our travel may require pushing the car or hanging out with the tumbleweeds on the side of the road until the tow truck shows up….grrr….

Besides the car revving up to 7000 RPM’s every half hour, it has actually been an unique situation that has lent itself to a great car ride. We are on the way to Granny’s funeral in Pecos Texas. It is about a nine hour drive and we are only going for three days so we decided to leave the kids with my parents. (I have the BEST parents and sister. They all jumped at the opportunity to take care of the kids and I don’t have to worry one bit about them. They are such a blessing!!) Since we don’t have kids in the car we actually get to talk and listen to music that does not involve nursery rhymes. We have rapped Jay Z style, enjoyed a little Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band style, and even listened to some Beastie throw back.

It is strange to be alone in the car this long with just Austin. It is so reminiscent of the old dating days. Goofy songs, great conversations, time to just be. We have been silly most of the drive and have laughed so hard that we have both cried. At one point I pulled out the flip camera to take some video of Austin documentary style – like I said really silly stuff.

In the midst of the silliness I look over at Austin and fall in love with him all over again. It’s a different love then the teenage love we had so long ago (yes we were high school sweethearts!) This love is a deeper stronger love that comes with admiring his strength, his hard work and his commitment to me and our family. A love that comes only with the trials and joys of three kids, tough life lessons, and time. He has endured such loss in his life and always has had an eternal perspective about it all.

His grandmother, Fanora Elizabeth Miller lived a great life. She and her husband left a beautiful legacy of hard work , love, determination, and LAUGHTER! Papa and Granny loved to laugh and so did Austin’s parents. I can only imagine the time they are all having in heaven! If there is an opportunity in heaven to laugh and play golf then they are all probably sad they didn’t get there sooner.

I believe that there are no coincidences. It is not mistake that Granny passed away when she did and that we are in a car alone on the Pecos Texas Trail. It is not happenstance. We may not ever know why some things happen. But I do know that I am going to embrace this time to fall deeper in love with my strong, faithful, courageous, kind, smart and FUNNY husband!

AND

I am going to accept the gift that I believe that a man and woman named Ronald and Fanora Miller are blessing us with today – time together to love and laugh.

Two things that they enjoyed and did very well.

What the Heck is that, Wednesdays!? (WTHIT)

2010-11-17T12:04:00.006-06:00

I am thinking about starting a new game on Wednesdays called:

What the HECK is that?!

I will post a picture of an item that I found from places like -
under the couch cushions
behind the trashcan in the kids bathroom
under a car seat
at the bottom of my purse

OR like today, from behind a glider in our playroom...

I'll describe to you in as much detail as possible without making you hurl -- what the item looks like, smells like and feels like and you guess what you think it is.

Sound fun?

Well, what are you waiting for, let's begin!

As you can see this item is about the size of a quarter. There is some strange coating on the outside...

And If you look closely you can see teeth marks. Either it was edible at one time and was only partially eaten or was not edible and tossed to the side.

What is that yellow fluffly bit? Part of a feather from a princess outfit - of course.

This thing is rock hard. I mean, hard like no ones business. It could quite possibly be the rock that took Goliath down. It is THAT hard.

It has no smell.

I didn't lick it to see what it tasted like - if you would like to do so, I can arrange that.

I'm guessing that it was sticky at some point, hence the feather stuck to it.

So what's your guess?

Is it from a planet that sustains its inhabitants with the rocks of the land? Has Caleb been holding late night experiments in the playroom trying to find a solution to alternative energy sources? Did McKenna find a new bug that she has been taking care of and this is the cocoon?

I don't know!

Come on y'all give it your best shot.

What the heck is it!?

Salvation and Rice

2010-11-11T20:07:00.004-06:00

Today Caleb and I had a date - lunch and a movie!

Such a treat to go to the movies during the day when there is nobody else there and I don't have two toddlers with me that have a hard time sitting through the whole thing.

La Madeline happened to be right next to the theater so that is what we decided on. La Madeline also happened to be the place that we always went to lunch with Granny when we visited.

Granny is 92 and is has become very ill this past week. Her health has taken a major downfall and will probably go to be with the Lord, her husband, and Austins parents very soon. We are so sad to see her go, she has lived a beautiful life and has been a crucial part of Austin's life.

Naturally the conversation came up about Granny while we were there. I asked Caleb if he knew where Granny was going to go when she died.

He told me that she was going to see Gramps in Heaven.

Easy enough. I just wanted to make sure he was prepared for what was about to come.

I told him that he was exactly right and Jesus would be waiting there to greet her.

He then asked me what happens when you are in heaven. Do you lie around with your eyes closed?

It is always so interesting what kids think by drawing natural conclusions. I explained to him that when you are in heaven you have no pain. You can only feel joy and God's love and your spirit is there although your body remains on this earth.

Then he says, so what if you don't go to heaven, where do you go?

I reply, hell.

Okay, so I believe in straight answers. Not over the top elaborate explanations, but if they ask then they deserve an answer. However, we have not specifically talked about hell before as it has not specifically come up. So this was new territory and I was definitely interested to see where he was going to go with this and how much he was going to ask.

So the questions start pouring out: what is hell? who goes there? who is the devil? what is hell like? is it red there? what does the devil look like? what is suffering?

I go through the explanation of heaven and hell and the gift of salvation that is offered to us. I try to explain to him the best I can in answers that he can understand. But man! By this point I was sweating in my tomato basil soup! So many questions! And so much information for a 5 year old to take in all at once. Who knew that God was going to use Granny in this way for me to minister to Caleb?!

I'm not going to lie... I definitely got some raised eyebrows from our neighbors during all this. I could tell they were picking up words like "hell" and "devil" and not quite sure what to think. Pretty heavy conversation for a lite light lunch at La Madeline with a five year old.

So I then asked Caleb if he had any more questions.

He looks right at me, picks up the salt shaker and says "Yeah mom. Why is there rice in here?"

Ok. Well then, I guess we are done with Heaven and Hell!

So we switch topics and start talking about humidity and how the rice absorbs the extra moisture.

Two very important topics - Salvation and Humidity.

Does anyone doubt that we live in Texas? ;)

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die.” (John 11:25)

We've got a screamer!

2010-10-28T18:30:00.000-05:00

And it's not who you think it is...

It's me.

In an attempt to maintain - or regain - or get a gosh darn sliver of control around here, I have done what I said I would never do.

I have turned into a mom that yells at and argues with her kids.

I hate to admit it, but its true. It doesn't happen every day, but I had a really bad day yesterday and yelled big time. My kids asked me why I was being mean. I went to bed in tears feeling like a failed.

I swore I would never be "that mom". Screaming doesn't accomplish anything, but it sure does seem natural when the scenario goes something like this:

I ask. They ignore. I ask again. They complain. I ask AGAIN. They throw a fit. I ASK AGAIN!!!

So this morning I got up and said - not today. I apologized to the kids and said it was wrong for me to yell. I told them I was going to try hard not to do it again. Instead I was going to ask one time and make sure they all understood what the expectation was. If they didn't follow there would be an immediate consequence. No second chance.

The choice was up to them.

Tonight while in the bathtub, I told them to make sure they do not splash any water outside of the tub.

I can assure you everyone heard me and it is something that I say EVERY night.

They took the container that we use to store the bath toys, filled it up with water and dumped it out on the tile - on purpose.

I calmly pulled the plug for the bathtub. Told them that bath time was over.

I took all their towels and used them to clean up the wet floor.

Then, I looked at them and said "I am sorry that you made that choice to disobey. There are not any more dry towels because I had to clean up your mess. You can go outside in the backyard and dry off."

It wasn't easy, and pretty much all hell broke loose (on their end), but I would bet that there would be no splashed bath water tomorrow.

Man, that feels better then arguing with them!

Mom - 1 Kids - 0

Cooked Cotton Balls

2010-10-24T07:34:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know. I am homeschooling Caleb for Kindergarten this year. It has been fun, scary, exciting, & exhausting! The hardest part has been the time management of everything, the best part has been able to see his progress in reading. It is so exciting to be a part of that! I just love seeing how proud and (surprised sometimes) that he is with himself when he reads something that he doesn't think he could.

We have this amazing book store called Katy Budget Books and we like to go there and hang out and read. The sell used and new books and they have a great kids section. It really is a hidden treasure. There is nothing fancy about it, but they have a wonderful selection. You can take your used books there and get credit and then trade them for other books. It is really is a great place!

I found this great book called Magic Mixtures there for a dollar a while ago and it has pages after pages of creative recipes for finger paints, molding mixtures, and doughs.

We decided to make puff dough, because I have never heard of anything like it and we were interested to see what would happen.

Here is the recipe for "Puff Dough"

1 cup flour
1 cup water
1 small bag of cotton balls - yep, cotton balls. I know, weird huh! I was pretty skeptical that we were going to make a mixture of the this and cook it!

First, you mix the flour and water together to make a really think paste. Start with half cup of water and add more.

Then coat the cotton balls with the paste. They tend to puff up and will remain puffed if you handle them gently.

Carefully life each cotton ball from the mixture, allowing the excess to drop off.

Form the cotton balls into desired shapes on a cookie sheet.

What did Caleb decide to make....? A Rocket Ship of course. Since, he is still insistent that he is going to be an astronaut when he grows up.

Cook in an over at 325 degrees for about an hour or until the shapes are lightly browned and hard to the touch.

When it cools it can be painted.

It was so interesting! I couldn't believe that you could cook cotton balls and it was really hard and sturdy after it dried. It was definitely one we would do again!

Toy Tyranny

2010-10-18T06:51:00.004-05:00

I have been meaning to post about an event that happened at the Big Top a few months ago. It will surely go down in the books around here.

We have a rule that if you leave your clown nose, rainbow suspenders, pet elephants, or any toys around the Big Top they will be thrown in the trash or given to other children who will take care of them properly.

There have been toys and even elephants that have found both of those fates around here. So my little ones know that there is truth in those words.

So one day my sweet little McKenna decides halfway through cleaning up that she does not want to pick up the few toys that are left on the ground. (They weren't really any of her favorites). I proceed to tell her the consequence of not doing that and it goes something like this:

"McKenna, you know that the toys will go in the trash if you do not pick them up."

"Yep. I don't want them. Just throw them in the trash."

"McKenna, I am not sure that you are making the right decision. You will be sad when you don't have those toys to play with. Please think about the consequence"

"Nope. I don't want them. Put them in the trash."

(Okay at this point. I am getting pretty upset. I have a bit of a strong personality and I am slightly competitive. And here she is trying to beat me at my own game!)

So I say...

"McKenna, if you are not going to pick up those toys because you don't care about them then I do not think that you deserve to have any toys. If you don't pick up those toys then I will have to throw all of your toys away. I am going to set the timer for 10 minutes and when I come back I need all the toys picked up or I will have to throw them all away."

(Yep, I said it. I did. Those word came out of my mouth very clearly and with only 8-10 toys on the ground, I thought the threat would be enough to motivate her)

A couple minutes later I hear McKenna down stairs in the kitchen getting under the sink.

"What are you doing McKenna?"

"Getting you a trash bag mommy."

"Why?"

"So you can throw all my toys away"

And there she stood. She stared at me with that look in her eye. She was staring straight at me, testing me. I could tell she thought I would never follow through. I mean, come on how ridiculous is that - to throw ALL of her toys away?!?

I start breaking out in a sweat. Am I going to do it? What do I do? I need back up! Send in the troops. Where is the phone. Somebody help me?!! I manage to tell her that I have to go to bathroom and I will be back in just a minute. I grab the phone and sneak away to call Austin.

Crap! He didn't answer. What am I going to do?! I am thinking to myself if I don't do this. If I don't follow through she is going to rule this house for the rest of her days! I can see it now...

At age 8 she'll be asking if she can get her eyebrows and tongue pierced.

I'll say "No and I mean it".

She'll look straight back and me with that same "I'm testing you lady look" and say:

"Sure you mean no. Just like you meant no when you said you would throw all my toys away and you didn't!"

Ahh! What do I do? So I call one of my friends and give her the run down.

As I am doing this I hear singing in the background.

"Mommy is going to throw all my toys in the trash, in the trash. Mommy is going to throw all my toys in the trash and I am so happy, happy, happy!"

Oh no she didn't!

Well that was enough for this mama!

So I grabbed the trash bag and loaded up every single one of her toys.

Her brand new elephant pillow pet that she adored.

The cribs, the strollers, the bottles and bibs.

The barbies and every last barbie shoe, comb and purse.

The games, the lip gloss. The bracelets and tutus.

All of it. Every last bit.

She still didn't believe me. At this point I couldn't bring myself to really throw it all away. I would have to donate it, if we were getting rid of it. But I told her we were throwing it away so off to the curb it went.

I called my dad and asked if he would come by and load it up and take it to their attic.

How did she react?

Well, pretty well. She didn't have the melt down reaction that I was thinking she would have had. She has since received some toys since and has taken much better care of them and picked them up when asked.

I think the biggest impact was when she went to a friends house to play and didn't want to leave because she was having so much fun with her toys.

I hated to do it. But, I kept telling myself that I would rather her feel the pain of a bad decision now when she is 3 in hopes that it will minimize the bad decisions that she makes when she is 16.

Tough stuff at the Big Top.

Man... all this thinking about teenagers and consequences is making me weary.

Pass me some peanuts or cotton candy, I need a break!

The Bird

2010-10-13T07:23:00.003-05:00

Well, what can I say?

Looks like we must have some discussions with McKenna about proper play date etiquette.

You really don't think that my 3 year old girl knows how to give the bird, do you? I mean maybe we did do it once to cars passing by, but that was only once!

The real story is that McKenna was playing at a friends house while the mom was taking pictures of the girls outside. McKenna's finger got hurt and she was showing it to her friend.

Moral for today... Things aren't always as they appear.

What's your story

2010-10-06T21:41:00.005-05:00

Caleb and I went to NASA for a homeschool day. Actually for two days. We went there for a special overnight trip and it was a B-L-A-S-T!

I know, I am just hilarious with all the funnies around here. Come back at 5 tomorrow - you won't want to miss the freak show that performs then. It's the Miller Big Top Witching Hour and it is so funny and freaky you will not want to miss it!

Yeah, did you forget that I was homeschooling this year? Try to keep up. I know that I have been out for several months, but come on! ;)

So I am home schooling. Well, I am. Or at least trying to.

So far so good. I didn't pick a particular curriculum. Instead I decided to mix and match and do a little of this, a little of that. After all I do know what Caleb likes and doesn't, needs to work on and excels in. That is a definite benefit of homeschooling.

I ain't going lie though... Excuse me. Let me correct myself. I am not going to lie.

That's better, much more proper.

Who am I foolin'! Have you read my blog before?! Funny, honest, possibly insightful at times - but grammatically correct? Forget it! That is one thing, well make it two things (math is not my strong hold either- like I mentioned in this post) that I am not that great at. Oh crap! What am I good at!! What have I done?!! How am I going to home school this kid!!!!

Deep breaths.... It will be okay. It's only Kindergarten.

Wait - IT'S KINDERGARTEN!!! Didn't Robert Fulghum say that "All I ever really needed to know I learned in Kindergarten!?"

Crap. I probably messed Caleb up for life. Oh well. Won't be the first, won't be the last.

Anywho...

I am really not worried about whether or not Caleb will be able to construct a sentence or do his multiplication tables later - that is what grammar check and calculators are for. I hardly have to teach anything. We are working real hard on our Bejeweled score and how to add more sheep to our farm though....

Okay - kidding. Only kidding. And if you are like one of my friends and don't get the joke about the sheep on the farm - GET ON FACEBOOK!!!

I am not going to lie. It has been difficult. I wasn't sure if I was doing enough. It was really hard to balance it all. But, now I have simmered down a bit and am enjoying it.

I love the time I get to spend with him and I love seeing the progress that he is making.

The other day we were doing a reading lesson and I literally saw the light bulb go off in his head and he got the concept that we had been working on for a couple of days. I was able to put the book away and build on his excitement in that moment and we accomplished SO much!

It was a great day and I was so excited to be a part of it.

So, back to NASA...

It was closed to the public and only opened to home school, so it was so interesting seeing all the kids AND parents. I kept looking around thinking to myself...

So, what's your story?

Why home school? Have you done it always? Is this your first year? Are you doing it for behavioral/circumstantial reasons? Will you do it next year? Do you know that Birkenstocks are not in fashion anymore? (Yes, yes, people still wear Birkenstocks) Do you worry about this... do you worry about that.... Did you have a problem with a public school or teacher? And the biggest question that I want to ask - is how has this effected your relationship with your child/children? Has home schooling accomplished what you set out to do?

Like I said. So far so good. Caleb seems to love it. We stay busy with the activities, school work and PE classes. I enjoy the challenge and love spending the time with him.

But every time I see I home-schooler out and about I am still always curious. The question always pops in my head - So, what's your story?

Keep your eyes on me

2010-09-30T06:49:00.003-05:00

This morning I got up early. 5:15 early.

I was determined to run, have some time with my devotional, and get breakfast on the table before the kids got up.

So out the door I went.

I have a usual path I go, but the weather was so nice outside that I decided to take a longer run. It was very dark outside so I stuck to the main roads with lights until I came to our lake at the end of subdivision.

The lake is gorgeous, but I knew it would be kind of dark because it was not lit. However, I didn't think it was a that big of a deal - I mean how dark could it be?

The entire time I ran, I kept going through all the things I had to do and wanted to do today. But my thoughts quickly turned to how dark it was around the lake. As I rounded the corner I was far enough away from the street that there was not a light in sight. All the houses around the lake had their lights off - I mean why would they have lights on...what kind of crazy person gets up at 5:15?

So it's dark. Like pitch black dark. Dark as in, I couldn't tell what I was stepping on - frogs, mud, puddles, who knew. Dark as in, I was kind of starting to think I shouldn't have gone that direction, but I was already half way around.

I know not the best idea. So my mind was now on how dark it was. Was it safe for me to be running around the lake? What was I going to do when a dog, or bunny jumped out of the bushes and scared the tarnation out of me? Or what was my escape plan if there was some boogie man hiding in the bushes?

Then there was a voice in my head that just kept saying "Keep your eyes on me. That is the problem. There is always distractions. Tasks, worries, fears - real or not."

So I turned my thoughts to Him. How amazing His love is for me day in and day out when I keep failing Him. How beautiful His creation is when it is undisturbed by the day. I listened to the song birds waking and the crickets stirring. It was simply beautiful.

I kept thinking to myself - that is ALL that is required of me.

Just to keep my eyes on Him. It is as simple as that.

Then the question popped in my head. How much do I miss by not keeping that at the forefront of my mind at all times? By making it SO complicated.

As I let that thought sink in. I looked to the sky that was still scattered with stars. And I saw the most beautiful shooting star stretch across the entire sky. It was amazing.

Wow. I probably miss a lot.

All because I am trying so hard to do so much. Wanting to make a difference for Him, but all He wants is for me to keep my eyes on Him.

Helen Lemmel hymns says it all:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus and look full into His wonderful face, and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace...

Anyone still out there?

2010-09-28T16:23:00.006-05:00

Probably not...

And I don't blame you.

That's what happens when you drop off the face of the earth and your friends and family don't hear from you for weeks at a time.

Man. It's has been one wild ride lately. I feel like I have been on a series of crazy carnie rides for the past few months. Bouncing back and forth between those death swings that spin around at crazy heights

and that crazy Gravitron that usually smells like puke

Off course, the majority of it is self induced. I have taken on way more than I can handle. At the time it always seems like the good and right thing to do. Working part time, starting a new business, homeschooling, volunteering at the church. All good and reasonable things with very thoughtful and good intentions behind them. However, then you add regular life in the mix - husband traveling, a massive flu like virus that has lasted for weeks, family members going through tough times, and all the other usually things that life throws our way - it becomes a lot. A LOT.

So many of us do this much and more.

I don't know about you, but I fight a fierce battle inside not wanting to make the excuse that I'm too busy to or am not able to do these things. I don't want to be complacent and sit at home just because I am a "stay at home mom". I have a very large "can do" attitude - usually to a fault.

I don't want to fall into such a rut that I don't try new things, take chances, or show my kids that they can do anything that they want. AND I want to show them that it is important to serve others no matter how busy we are. Whether it is sign up to take meals, to help cover a shift for someone that needs it, or to take the time to write a card to a friend - I think it is so important to really show our kids this actions rather than just talk about them.

BUT

It is SO hard to find the balance. What happens we start doing all these things that are meaningful and good and well intentioned, but then we get so busy that we miss out on the good stuff. That we are so busy that we don't have time to live. We get so overwhelmed with life:

That everything turns into a to do list and then we make more lists from our to do lists.

And our days are measured by just getting through the next task, event, assignment.

And when we need a vacation so bad that when you get on vacation we cry because we have to come home.

Here's the thing, there are sacrifices in life. There are times that we do have to dig in and work hard and it pays off later. I believe very strongly that you can't get anywhere without hard work - blood, sweat, and tears. I know circumstances will always be there that can cause a hectic life.

However, the questions again begs.... Is it a busy season or are we just living a life of busyness?

I don't want to work this hard and not be making a difference. I want to make sure that my time is spent in the areas that really matter. AND if I am so busy being busy when will I ever have time to stop and think about whether I am really spending my time in the best way.

Maybe I could add that to the to-do list....

So, if you are still out there - what are some of your secrets? How do you decide what you spend your time doing? Do you ever stop to think if you are spending it wisely or if you just are doing the things you do because you are "supposed to", feel like you have to, or it's just because that's what you do.

Someone told me that Jesus didn't do it all. He didn't help every person that he encountered. He ONLY did what the Father told him to do.

Wow.

BIG - WISE - WORDS.

I'll have to add that to the list to... take time to ask the Father what I should do.

Me? You mean me?

2010-06-18T12:51:00.002-05:00

You know that feeling when you are in a crowded place and someone waves in your direction and you wave back and then you realize they were waving to the person behind you?

Well, that is what I thought when I was recently given a blog award. Me? You mean someone actually reads my ramblings!?

This beautiful mess that I call my life is such a fun, wild ride and I am so blessed to have others jump on board and read along. The real stuff is important to me in life. I don't want to waste a lot of time on fluff. I treasure the "ah-ha" moments that come in the midst of chaos and confusion (even though I am an extremely slow learner and I seem to have to learn the same lesson over and over again!) Motherhood is hard, rewarding and precious, but hard nonetheless. When you stop by the Miller Big Top I hope that you will feel like you have found a place with no judgment, lots of encouragement, and hopefully a few laughs (I realize they are usually at my expense - but oh well!)

So on to the award...

I was awarded the Trendy Treehouse award by Kelley's Breakroom. Talk about wild ride, Kelley's blog is a hilarious, rip roaring, gasp for air because you are laughing so hard adventure that I LOVE to read. Where in the world does she come up with this stuff!?

Part of the deal in receiving these two awards, is to give them away to five other bloggers. Here are the rules: "To receive this award, promise to share this with 5 other BLOGS that you think are Trendy too.•Post about your award in your blog.•List your Top 5 Trendy Blogs.•Share with them.•Leave a link to the Trendy Blog Button.•Tell them they need to give this award out to 5 as well".

So here are my awards:

We are THAT family. Kristen is a big time blogger with thousands of followers. She is inspiring and real. She recently went on a Compassion trip to Africa and came back changed forever. She has a heart for helping others and blesses so many with her writing.

The Three Nichols' Two Cents. I love Gillian's blog. She is so witty, fun, and maybe even a little quirky (in a totally fabulous way!) Through EIGHT eye surgeries on her left eye, she maintains joy and humor in all that life brings her way.

The Stanfield Journey Kenzie is a sweet mom that lost her baby boy, Maddox. Her posts are always filled with inspiration and reminders of how precious life is. She is a truly inspiring and strong mom and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to "peek" into their life through her fantastic blog.

Kisses from Katie This blog is INTENSE. Katie, is a young woman that left everything that was safe and familiar to follow a strong calling to go to Uganda. She has adopted 14 children and raises them as a single mom in Uganda. Her selfless giving is amazing and beautiful AND convicting.

So there you go! I know it's not five, but I am kind of a rule breaker like that sometimes. These were the first four that came to mind. AND quite frankly while I was writing this McKenna decided to lock Zane in her bedroom while they were playing and then when I went to look for that little key that opens the door that is usually sitting on the door frame it wasn't there (or on any other door for that matter in our entire house) So I had to run next door and get one from them so I could free Zane. Just another day at the circus...

Now I am kind of tired, (*sigh*) which means it's nap time for kiddos and rest time for mommy.

Oh, and I do realize that We are THAT family with her thousands of visitors and super amazing sponsors will most likely not participate in the award fun and that Kisses from Katie really does have time to participate in silly awards like this chasing around 14 kids and all, but I wanted all of you to have the chance to be changed by them, I know that I have been.

Thanks again Kelley!

Late night town hall meetings

2010-06-15T08:00:00.005-05:00

"Nothing influences the quality of our life more than how we respond to trouble" Erwin Tieman

Lately there has been a lot of "trouble" on our house.

There are three little munchkins that I am convinced hold late night town hall meetings by candle light in the upstairs linen closet to plot the next day shenanigans. I can picture it now....

It goes something like this.

Caleb calls the meeting. He sets the time, the place and makes sure that everyone gets there.

McKenna brings the snacks - most likely some something sugary.

And Zane shows up sleepy eyed, with paci and ni-night in hand hoping the plot has something to do with balls.

Caleb has spent most of the earlier day using legos, pipe cleaners, paper airplanes, and zip lines to come up with a visual for his presentation. He proceeds to pull out his gigantic masterpiece to explain what the plan is for ~~destroying the house~~ having fun. In one fell swoop Zane throws his paci at the delicate creation and destroys it.

Caleb is calm. He tells Zane "no" and then starts to patiently rebuild it.

McKenna takes a break from candy eating (she must have run out) to say "Let's just make a mess all day, all long!"

Zane says "Ball!", "Yeah!" and pumps his fist into the air.

Caleb is too busy rebuilding his model to chime in.

They all shuffle back to their beds, confident the plans will cause chaos and excitement. They can't sleep because they are too excited for what the next day will hold. So, McKenna decides to come downstairs and gets in bed with us. As soon as I get comfortable with McKenna lodged in between Austin and I, Zane cries and wants his paci and wants to be tucked back in....

There is always trouble around here. Chaos breaks out all day long. It comes in the form of three little munchkins - learning, exploring, playing, and testing limits.

My patience is constantly being tested and how I react to the chaos dictates how the day goes. Lately, I haven't reacted so well. I have felt so overwhelmed. Austin has been traveling so much, I am working on a new business idea and still working part time. The last time I checked the laundry was still there, and since it is summer all the kids want to do is go-go-go!

I read this morning:

When we pray and ask for God's will to be done in a given situation, we must believe that His will is, in fact, very good and that He is quiet able to accomplish it. Any asking that maintains an internal sense of panic is not genuine trust. It reveals a hidden belief that we are perhaps more critical to the situation that God is. But to trust is to rest, and the hear that is calm has learned that Jesus is above the storm.

WOW! Isn't that SO good?!

I pray every morning for God's will to be done in my day and that I will be able to glorify Him. But, I am still harboring this sense of panic when things go awry.

Do I not trust that He can handle the little bit of trouble that happens daily?

AND "to trust is to rest"!? Isn't that a light bulb moment? Man it sure is for me. I can trust that Jesus is above all of this. I can still find rest in this crazy exhausting stage in our lives because I can have a calm heart knowing that He is quite able to see me through my daily challenges.

Ahhh.... sweet sigh of relief.

What Caleb? Huh? McKenna and Zane are painting the living room walls with pudding and are planning on holding a WWF wrestling match in the kitchen after they finish smearing toothpaste all over the game room?

Oh, no biggie.

Me and my calm heart will be there in just a minute.

There is a monster at the end of this post

2010-06-11T09:59:00.013-05:00

We had a play date with some friends and we decided to make monster puppets. I bought this kit at Walmart, which was worth every penny (I think $5-10, I can't remember) because all the pieces are already cut out and have Velcro on them . No messy glue and waiting for hours for it to dry before you play with them. AND you can use them again. Brilliant!

The already cut out puppets - there were actually five of them, I just couldn't get the kids to give me theirs because they jumped right in and started.

All the fun mix and match pieces

The characters they created

The BIG SHOW!!

A sneak peek behind the scenes...

And my own personal creation... Mommy Monster. I made it in honor of the way I felt yesterday when McKenna and Zane decided to dump and entire bottle of shampoo and baby powder on our master bedroom carpet...

Who knew they had sheep at this resort?

2010-06-03T07:58:00.003-05:00

So we are on vacation this week in San Antonio at a Wild Oak Ranch Resort. It is an AMAZING Resort and is the best to travel with kids because it set up as condo's with full kitchen, washer/dryers, dining area, patio, etc. It is fantastic to be able to have some room to spread out and to be able to cook or wash clothes if need be (and there is always a "need be" with three kids). It also has and indoor outdoor pool, lazy river, 2 water slides, fire pits for smores at night. This place has it all and the grounds are so beautiful. We came here last year twice and it was a ton of fun.

This year we have been looking forward to coming for a several months. The only thing is that Austin is working while we are here so during most of the days I am solo with the kids. Last year, it wasn't that bad because Zane was content to sit in the stroller and watch from the side. That way I only had two that were in the pool with me.

This year....not so much.

Zane is everywhere!! In and out of the water. McKenna half the time is either wrapped so tight around my neck that I am turning blue (because she has decided that she is scared of the water - but only sometimes. Like only the times that I am trying to hold onto Zane) or she is telling me that she needs to go potty. Ahh...nice. So everyone has to get out of the pool. I have to schlep three wet kids all the way to the bathroom since the one by the pool right now is temporarily closed due to construction (Nice timing btw)

Caleb is also a much better swimmer this year and wants to GO, GO, GO! I am constantly telling him that he cannot get out of my sight. I have to stay in the shallow end with the younger two. So he has been disappointed and says he is not having fun. (Well buddy, that makes two of us)

I planned all the details. I brought silly string for a family silly string fight one night. I brought all the stuff for smores. Each one of them got to pick out a swim toy and sunglasses before we came. I brought fun snacks and juice boxes. I had some plans. Some BIG Miller Big Top, fun having plans.

However, the plans haven't actually worked out the way I had envisioned. The kids haven't stopped bickering since we have been here. I don't think I have sat down. I am either chasing Zane or breaking Zane and McKenna up from a WWF wrestling match. McKenna has had three spankings. She has whined or cried for most of every day. Is there such thing as colic for toddlers?

So yesterday was a LONG day. I went to bed last night so defeated. I tried for it to be fun, but most of the day just wasn't. Being around the water already puts me in high stress mode. I am trying to make sure everyone is safe and since I this mama isn't playing man on man, I have to have my "A" game on. And I didn't. I yelled more than I should have, I was frustrated more than I should have, and I lost my patience more than I should have.

I got up this morning to get out and have a cup of coffee and quiet time by myself. I wanted to recharge my batteries for a full day since Austin was not going to be back to the hotel until 10:30 tonight. As I was talking a walk up to the main house I was running through the things that I wanted to do differently today. And the things that I wished the kids would do differently. Why couldn't they get it? Not everyone gets to go to a fancy resort and get new pool toys. Don't they know how lucky they are? Why can't they appreciate being here? Why can't they appreciate me trying to be a fun mom and understand that it is hard to balance the needs, wants and safety of three kids at a pool? Why can't they just stop whining!?

I finally sit down with my cup a coffee on this beautiful porch and open my devotional. *Side note* (The devotional that I use is called One Year at His Feet by Chris Tiegreen. It is the BEST devotional I have ever had. Every time I open it, God has met me exactly where I am. I HIGHLY recommend it for you and for a great gift.)

So I open the book and start reading the first sentence says:

Anyone who has ever worked on a farm with sheep will attest to this fact: Sheep are stupid. They wander without any sense of direction; having thoroughly consumed the foliage in one field, they must be driven to the next or they will not eat; they often do not recognize danger when it is present and even when they do recognize it, they do nothing in defense; and they get lost.

A light bulb goes off...My kids are sheep! My kids are sheep! Okay I get it, I am the shepard and my kids are sheep. They can't help but wander off, or eat their snack off a floor while pretending to be a puppy, or shoot other guests in the face with squirt guns, or have to go potty back to back in a 10 minute period. Okay, well maybe they can.

So I continue reading:

Anyone who has ever been a shepherd will attest to this fact: It is servile, thankless labor.

Hmmm...that is exactly how I felt yesterday.

Well as I continued to read the real light bulb went off and I knew that really I was the sheep and He was the Shepherd. I realized how frustrated He must be with me on a daily basis for not doing what I was supposed to, or whining about not having something that I want, or not truly appreciating what I have. He must sit back at the end of the day and be so exhausted! So weary from trying to herd me in the right direction when I keep running off to do my own thing.

Yesterday wasn't about my kids. I was about me. I was about teaching me patience and persistence through the Him. Teaching me that being a mom is tough and thankless at times AND exhausting AND worrisome. It was about teaching me that I am not alone. As much as I love my kids and want the best for them, that He loves me more.

Ugh... I hate lessons like this. Well, I love them but why do I have to feel like such an ass in learning them.

Kids get your swimsuits on and grab your fancy sunglasses. Mommy's got her rod and staff and we are going to the pool!!

Why I work

2010-05-24T19:56:00.002-05:00

As some of you know I work part time at the most AMAZING wedding facility in Texas. I absolutely love being able to be a part of the team that works there. The weddings are always gorgeous, the food is fabulous and it is always exciting. Even as busy as I am with three kiddos and a husband that travels I really look forward to working. Not only is it time to be around other grown ups and to get dressed up, I also have the privilege of watching these families go through one of the biggest moments in their lives.

Most people love to watch the grooms reaction of seeing the bride for the first time, I love to watch the dads. I love to see the look in his face when he walks into the bridal suite and sees her for the first time or the last look he takes at her right before they walk down the aisle. It is such a breathtaking moment. You can tell that the dad is trying to figure how time went by so fast and how his sweet baby girl grew up into such a beautiful woman.

I also love to see the families line up and take the family pictures. I imagine what it will be like one day when we are at one of our kids weddings. I wonder what will God have in store for us between now and then? What He will he have taught me in the next 25 years? What will the spouse be like that my children choose?

All of this forward thinking helps to remind me to be a better mom. It helps me to try to remember to cherish each day as we come closer and closer to the day that we will watch our babes walk down that aisle. Wow - what an amazing, exciting, sad, and happy day that will be?!

Secret BoobyTrap

2010-05-11T06:58:00.000-05:00

This morning I set my alarm early to get up and have some time to myself. I planned on reading my bible, having some coffee, and making my to-do list for the day. I was really looking forward to doing these things alone and in a dark and quiet house. Although I do not do it often enough, getting up at dawn it is one of my favorite things to do. I love the feeling of a fresh new day and the possibilities that come with it.

What will I do with it? What can I do better today than I did yesterday? How can I be intentional about my time, rather than let the day dictate me? How can I cherish the time that I have have with my family and friends? What can I do today to make it special and memorable?

These are just a few of the things that go through my mind in those sweet moments that I have to myself.

The night before I make sure I fill up the water in my Keurig coffee maker (People, if you love coffee and you don't have a Keurig - well then, I am sorry. It is one off the reasons that I get out of bed in the morning. It is absolutely a TREAT to pick whatever type of coffee I want and press one button and viola - a perfectly brewed fresh cup of coffee! My next cup, hmmm maybe I feel like cinnamon bun, or french vanilla, well then that is what I make. It seriously is fabulous. You must check into one) Anyway, there is no grinding beans or loud noises that accompany the machine. It is just a press of a button and your done. However there is a strange occurrence , so I have been led to believe that the kids have booby trapped it. Whether I get up at 5:00am, or 6:30am the minute I press the button to the maker, sit down at the table and grab my devotional I either hear the pitter patter of feet or Zane calling for me.

It never fails. I get maybe 5 minutes of that time I covet so much and then a sweet child looking for snuggles wants to come down and join me. This morning it was Zane. I pressed the button on the coffee maker, sat down, opened my bible and then I hear him start to rustle. Then I hear him start to call for me. Then it starts to get louder and louder and I decide I better rush upstairs quick and get him before he wakes everyone up.

So instead of "me" time this morning, Zane and I had "mommy and me" time. We had sweet snuggles in a dark, quiet house. I sat there and took in the moment. I cherished the time that I spent with him on the couch and thanked God for his glorious creations and blessings. I was fully present and realized that snuggles on the couch are not going to last forever.

And you know what?

It was a perfect and beautiful start to my day.

Hiatus

2010-04-16T16:30:00.002-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I kept putting off all the things that I wanted to blog about and then it seemed really weird to blog about them a month later.

I have piles and piles of pictures to post. I have tons of interesting things to write about the kids - like Caleb asking out of the blue who will take care of him if Mommy and Daddy die - "Where the heck did that one come from - does he know something that I don't know?"

I also have a girls trip to LA/Hollywood to write about, Easter, Caleb's birthday, etc. etc. ETC!

So basically I am overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. I sit down to write and then because the task is so overwhelming I just get up or check out another blog. I kind of feel like I do when the laundry gets so out of hand - just pretend it isn't there long enough and hope it goes away - and then when it does not I have to pull an all nighter to finish it all.

*sigh*

So I think I am going to have to write a ton of posts and then back date them appropriately.

When? Well, I am not sure.

I got back from Hollywood, then left town 2 days later. Just got back in town a few hours ago and I am heading out the door for work in an hour. We have a walk at the zoo tomorrow morning for a friend that has epilepsy, a birthday party in the afternoon, church on Sunday and I work again Sunday night.

Maybe next week.

Well see.

I wish I was making this stuff up.

2010-03-25T19:11:00.003-05:00

While I was making dinner for myself (an entire box of Uncle Ben's Wild Rice. Yep, that's it. Don't feel sorry for me. I love the stuff!) Zane took off his diaper and peed on the floor.

Caleb thought it was hilarious. He called out to me to tell me Zane peed everywhere.

I quickly cleaned up the pee and put another diaper on him. (THANK you sweet Jesus - you will
see why later)

Just as I returned to finishing up my gourmet meal, McKenna shouts out "Sick!! Why is there poo poo on Zane's chair?"

What? Surely not. He has a diaper on right?

I look over and luckily he does have a diaper on. She must be joking.

I look over on the red chair.

Nope.

Poop everywhere.

I look back to Zane. He does still have a diaper on. However, I see that it has not contained the explosive situation.

As I am changing the diaper, Caleb says "Hey Mom, Zane had some really nasty toots. I am sure that is when all the poop came out of his diaper. It sure is going to be gross cleaning that up"

"Oh. Thanks Caleb. Yep, it is."

Flash forward to bedtime prayers.

"McKenna, what would you like to pray for tonight?"

"Dear God. Thank you for sugar and also for how yucky it was when Zane pooped on the red chair"

So there you go. I wish I was making this stuff up.

ball smuggling

2010-03-25T02:37:00.004-05:00

We went to the dollar store today to pick up the last few things I needed for Easter. Before we went into the store I told the kids they were not getting any toys, balloons, candy, etc. We were going in to get a few things and that Easter was just around the corner and they didn't need anything today. I am not sure why I did this - I mean seriously isn't that one of the best things about the dollar store?

"Mommy can I get a toy if I am good?"
"Well, let me think about it....Yes. Absolutely. But only if you keep your hands to yourself, use your inside voice and don't whine."

Works like a charm every time and depending on how many kids I have with me - only costs me 3 bucks. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

So again, not sure why I diverted from the usual tactics.

If you don't already know this, Zane is OBSESSED with balls. I mean seriously obsessed with balls. The kid carries them around with him all day. He can spot one a million miles away. He calls out any and all circles, spheres, and globes that he may see.

As we are walking down the Easter aisle, he sees bags of plastic Easter eggs that look like basketballs, footballs, and baseballs.

He nearly loses his mind.

"BALL, BALL, BALL!" He keeps shouting over and over again.

I reply "No, Zane. Today we are not getting any balls."

We leave the aisle and he is continuing to shout ball.

He is getting madder and madder. I am starting to panic. I can foresee an all out fit starting to come on. (Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that I am carrying him and McKenna and Caleb are walking. Not sure why I didn't get a cart, but I didn't)

As he gets more irritated that he is not going to get the balls, he pounds on my chest. Halfway through the pounding he looks at me in this weird way. (The way in which you can tell a light bulb went off his head)

He then starts tapping on my breast - pointing saying...

you guessed it.

"BALL, BALL, BALL!"

He is now trying to lift up my shirt, thinking I am smuggling balls underneath!

Zane, PUH-LEAZE! I may need a miracle padded bra to push up the girls a bit after you and your siblings sucked the life out of my once firm breasts - BUT ball smuggling?! Come on Zane, that is just adding insult to injury.

Y'all at this point he is NOT being quiet. People who once were trying to ignore the kid that is shouting "ball!" over and over again are now turning heads to see what is going on.

When they look over, all they see is me struggling to keep my shirt on because my very strong 18 month old child is trying to lift it up and find the "balls" underneath. AND on top of it now he thinks it is hilarious. He can sense the panic in my voice and his face is in a full on grin (the bad devilish one that he does so well) in between the shouts of "BALL!

I didn't know what to do. If I had a cart like I usually do, I would have strapped him in and got him away from my shirt.

OR if I was really smart I just would have given him the darn balls from the get go!

So what's a mama to do?

2010-03-21T18:05:00.000-05:00

So we didn't get much sleep in the hotel or (show and tell) as McKenna keeps referring to it. Not sure why she keeps calling it a show and tell, but she does. It sure is cute how she comes up with these things. She also keeps calling her new new headband a rubber band. I keep correcting her, but she is just so darn cute does it really matter? Oh, and by the way she and Caleb accidentally flushed a green alligator down the toilet at the "show and tell", so if you stay at the Embassy Suite in San Marcos and the toilet is clogged - sorry.

So we get to the hotel and they didn't have a pack and play which greatly complicated things. So we stayed there one night and then moved to another hotel for the next few. Since Zane had to sleep in bed with me the first night - not much sleep took place. It was too exciting and new for him to sleep and I never sleep good with kids in bed with me. I am always worry about them rolling off the bed, me rolling on top of them, or they are kicking me in the side while sleeping.

Anyway, since the sleeping arrangements were a little wacky on the first night, it seemed to set a precedence for the trip.

So what's a mama to do?

Well, remember when you first got married and you could just stare and stare forever at your hubby while he slept - you couldn't believe that he choose you and that this was really your life? Let me let you in on a little secret. I still do that. Not as long though. Because when I am lucky enough for him to be in town, I feel the safest. All is right and life is just as it is supposed to be -so I usually drift of to dreamland sooner rather than later. However, I do still do it. And I think he is pretty darn cute when he sleeps.

Yeah, yeah. I know yucky mushy stuff. But hey, I just saying I am lucky to have him.

Anyway, that is what I did with the kiddos. When Zane finally fell asleep next to me, I marveled at how beautiful he was. Everything about him was just perfect. His precious nose, his sweet baby face, his wonderful created 10 fingers and toes. It was just amazing. He was so peaceful and so sweet.

Then the first night when I was so excited to be back in our own home, in my own bed, with my own pillows, (I am a pretty big pillow snob) I couldn't wait to fall asleep. But then I couldn't. I just sat there and stared at the ceiling forever. Then I heard the pitter patter of feet upstairs..heard the shuffle of them outside my door..and then I heard a sweet voice say "mama can I sleep in bed with you?"

Sure, McKenna. Come on in.

Then I couldn't sleep for a different reason. I sat there and marveled at how gorgeous she was. How does God do it? How is he able to make each single child on this earth such a masterpiece? Everything about her is perfect. Exactly the way He intended her to be.

Wow. So like I said, what's a mama to do?

Are you a MD Mama? UPDATE

2010-03-18T20:26:00.006-05:00

*UPDATE*

I just got back from the doctor NOT the psychiatrist - the pediatrician for Zane (he has a green snotty nose - nothing big, just a little virus). However, while I as at the dr. office I got a couple calls from concerned friends wondering if I was really going to the psychiatrist. NO you silly blog readers! I am cracking up about this. I do not believe I am a manic depressive, I just thought it was pretty hilarious that you could put an example that would happen in the typical day of every mother on every one of the symptoms. I mean what mom doesn't have about a billion up and downs a day and throw out exaggerations like I might go jump off a cliff if I have to pick up one more cheerio off the ground!

Anyway, sorry if I scared you. Sorry if you are thinking twice about letting your kids be around me without your supervision. It was really meant to be funny...sorry if it wasn't. That is the problem with the written word - sometimes you just can't read that sarcasm.

Anyway, I gotta go. Kids are already talking dinner and I gotta find the pizza guys number....kidding! Only kidding, I am sure I have some chicken nuggets around here somewhere.

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Original Post
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I think I am. One moment I am on top of the world and I cannot think of a better place to be than with my kiddos, enjoying life and making memories. The next minute...well, let's just say I am looking for the nearest cliff. Okay so it is not that bad, but let's just say I am definitely pulling my hair out.

Oh, what is a MD Mama? Manic Depressive of course. Y'all I am NOT making this stuff up - well the medical part at least.

According to the National Institute of Mental health:

Manic depression symptoms involve symptom sets that are the opposite of each other. One involves a “high” set and the other a “low” set.

Manic disorder that characterize the high or ‘manic’ aspect of manic disorder are called episode includes the following:

Increased energy, activity (The energy boost that you get when your child lets go of your hand and starts to run through a wal-mart parking lot)
Excessively ‘high,’ overly good, euphoric mood (When you look into those gorgeous tiny faces and can't imagine a better place to be or better job to have, or when they tell you that they love you, or when they get that belly laugh that is SO contagious, or when they wrap their sweet arms around your neck, or when they give extra long snuggles to you on a Saturday morning, or when you see them do something for the first time. Ah...so sweet!)
Distractibility, can’t concentrate well (When you can't remember what day of week it is or whether or not you shut the garage door when you left the house, or if it was pajama day at school after you already told your kid they could wear their pajamas to school)
Racing thoughts and talking very fast (When your husband walks through the door and you fill him in on your entire day including how many times each child pooped, threw a fit, shared a toy, or climbed on top of a table - in five minutes flat.)
Jumping from one idea to another (what was I just saying, never mind - it will come to me later)
Little sleep needed (or allowed?)
Increased sexual drive (The one time that you get an entire weekend to spend alone. Of course, the first night you go to bed early and the second night all the sudden hanging from the chandelier actually sounds doable)
Spending sprees (a trip to target - need I say more?)
Poor judgment (a trip to the zoo by myself and three kids would be SO fun!)
Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers (quite possibly my favorite...That you can single handedly manage the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the volunteering, keeping up with your friends, being the best batman playing - princess tiara wearing mom all while making sure you look hot for your man and still want to jump in the sack with him after your 18 hour day.)
Extreme irritability (second runner up...need I say more?)
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior (When the big kid on the McDonald's playground pushes your kid on purpose multiple times and you corner him behind the tree house and tell him that if he values his life that he better keep his bratty 'ole hands to himself- figuratively speaking of course)
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications (okay so crack is not cool, but that glass of wine sure does call my name..)
Denial that anything is wrong (my life is perfect, I always have it together - just don't EVER read my blog)
Lasting period of behavior that is different from usual ( just ask the hubs on this one)

Symptoms of manic disorder that characterize the low or ‘depressive’ aspect of manic-depressive disorder are the following:

Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood (Are dirty diapers, and spit up all that life has to offer me?)
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism (I am not nearly as good as mom as so-and-so... I never spend enough time playing with so-and-so, I wish I handled this situation better, I am never going to have time to do anything for me...)
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness (one word: LAUNDRY)
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex (hmm...if I had time to do anything else besides take care of everyone else, maybe I could take pleasure in some extracurricular activities.)
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being “slowed down” (just the thought of the amount of bags, strollers, kids, and gear alone will do it every time)
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions (chicken nuggets or pizza - chicken nuggets or pizza -what did we have last night? Ah hell, let's have both. Cause once I am done cooking in this kitchen I am not making something else again!)
Restlessness or irritability (refer to extreme irritability above)
Sleeping too much, or can’t sleep (too much! are you friggin kidding me - is there such thing? The first chance I get, I am going to beg a doc to put me in a medical induced coma and see if there is such thing as "sleep too much")
Change in appetite and / or unintended weight loss or gain (let's not even go there, it is 9 at night and I am eating peanut butter m&m's and thinking of what else is in the pantry...seriously, what is wrong with me?) *oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I totally blew lent this year - *ughh! feelings of guilt, and worthlessness...*
Chronic pain or persistent bodily symptoms not caused by illness or injury (neck pain, back pain, my head hurts - well on second thought I can probably say those are caused by lugging around the equivalent to a small village in kids and gear and listening to them bicker about who is better, bigger, faster)
Thoughts of death or suicide (did I mention something about cliffs earlier?)

So what do you think? Are you a MD Mama too?

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow to start working on a "treatment" plan. Hopefully it will include some rest and time for deep reflection and lots of "me" time. Maybe I can even convince her that I would be a good candidate for a sleep study?

When it is good there is nothing in the world like it, and when it is bad, well...some days it is.

Here's to more good than bad! (wine glass in hand) ;-)

Just like McKenna

2010-03-17T15:04:00.002-05:00

I have been putting off the potty training for McKenna. Because, well... it just plain scares me. It is not quite the same as potty training a boy. It is not as easy to find impromtu places to go, and all that climbing on potties in yucky places - ewww!

We tried a while back. I used the usual bribe tactic. A sticker or some candy and she just wasn't really that interested. I know! Even with candy involved. So I knew that it wasn't the time.

So, the other day she woke up and told me she wanted to wear panties and she wasn't going to use diapers anymore. (Sure, McKenna. Whatever you say...) So we put panties on and wouldn't you know - THE GIRL IS POTTY TRAINED!! We have only had two accidents in 2 weeks and she isn't looking back. We have braved the potty in Sams, Target, hotels, gas stations. We even had to jump out of car pool to run into the school to go. Not the most convenient thing with two other kiddos, but she made up her mind and is doing great. I am so proud of her. (AND pretty darn excited that I am only buying diapers for one now. hmmm....what do to do with the extra money??)

It is so "just like McKenna" to decide that she is going to do something and then just do it. That girl has a strong will and persistence like you have never seen. Austin and I are cracking up about the whole thing. We think it is hilarious, but are terrified at the same time. What other things in life is McKenna going to decide to do?

A beautiful mess.

2010-03-10T21:00:00.002-06:00

I am so glad that I started this blog. Although, sometimes I feel like I need to post more, be more witty, or have more depth...but this is not planned out like some edited story. I try to do my best, blog as often as I can, and not to stress about it. If it was some edited story, I am not quite sure the inside of my car would resemble the largest trash dump, my laundry would rival the heights of Mt. Kilimanjaro, or that my kids would go to bed in a combination of mismatched clothing/pajamas on most nights. No, I am quite certain that if it was an edited "made for blog" script that it wouldn't look like that at all.

But ya know what? It isn't a script. It is my story. What I am feeling and thinking at that exact moment. My struggles, my joys, my frustrations, and my many mistakes. Those of you that know me well, know that I ain't too good at hiding my emotions. Y'all going get what you get.

I often wish that I was the person that could smile and nod and say "Everything is perfect" "Life is a dream" - even when it is not. But I was not made that way. Not that the way I was made is perfect. I need to work on holding my tongue and picking the words I use wisely. That is something that I struggle with. However, when I feel passionately about something (or sometimes just plain think it) it comes right out of my mouth. AND if I try to hold it in, it does no good because it is seen all over my face and my body. Let's just say I have a TERRIBLE poker face.

So back to me being glad that I started this blog...

I am glad because it is me. The real me. I hope that someday when my kids will be able to really know me. To see the progression of the person that I am today, and the person that I am growing into tomorrow.

Someday when they call me asking me for advice on what to do with their crazy out of control kids, I will say to them:

"You guys were never like that. My parenting was just perfect. Y'all never argued or were out of control"

And they will be able to go back to this and say

"Mom you are full of CRAP - I can't believe you lost Zane in a funeral home and left him with some dead guy, that McKenna ate tacks, and that Caleb had the fit of all fits in Whole Foods one day proclaiming that you were burning him!" (Which I later found out came from that fact that he had a sore on his hand and when I was guiding him by his hand out of the store it "burned him" - well tell that to the CPS onlooker that just happened to be there buying gluten free chicken tenders on aisle 4 - seriously what kid says "Mom, you are burning me?!")

Remind me again why I want to tell on myself?

Oh yeah, because it is real. For some reason isn't it so encouraging to know that you are not alone? That life is crazy and not perfect. That we are all a mess. I want people to know that.

(umm... like they probably didn't already when they see our circus coming without shoes, or hair bows, or see that our nails haven't been clipped for a while, or that we had pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... *sigh* )

I want my family and friends and my kids someday when they read this to know that. Life is hard sometimes or just plain hectic, but you press on. You take the good with the bad. You make due. You're flexible and you try to find the joy in it all. You realize that someone always has it worse than you and someone always has it better. So what?! What are you going to do about YOU - today - now?

I hate that some of the "famous" bloggers that I am reading out there are under attack by others. That someone is nitpicking everything that they say and do and sending such hate their way. How terrible. I can't imagine the negative comments filling up your inbox when you are just trying to be who you are. Don't they know that everyone has their thing? Some are prideful, some struggle with alcohol/drugs, some are fearful, some are jealous, some are lustful, some are angry. We all got something. We all struggle. Most of us are trying to be better people. To love more, to give more, to be just plain better.

The saddest thing would be not to learn and grow. Not to do anything about it. Just to stay complacent.

One of my favorites songs is my Matthew West called "You are Everything"

It gets me every time when he says:

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I’d ever care to confess
But You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Perfectly said.

We are all a beautiful mess. But there is so much more that is meant for us. We just have to figure out what that means to us individually and then go out and try to live it.

Wilkins Jahonga

2010-03-09T09:25:00.007-06:00

Meet Wilkins Jahonga, the newest member of our family.

We are sponsoring this sweet boy through Compassion. He is 6 years old and lives with his mom and 6 siblings just east of Kisumu, Kenya. Our donation will provide him with food, clean water, medical care, education opportunities and the opportunity to learn about Jesus.

I learned about Compassion from a blogger that I follow. She actually had the opportunity to go to Kenya and meet the child that she is sponsoring first hand. Wow! Wouldn't that be amazing?! She is there on a special trip with fellow bloggers that are there trying to spread the word about Compassion.

Compassion is different then some of the other sponsorship programs out there because 100% of our donation goes solely to this child. We are the sole sponsors and will have the opportunity to develop a relationship with him by communicating through letters.

Compassion helps address the child's specific needs and uses your donation to address the things that will help the child the most. They are not about just giving them food and water, but providing them with the opportunity to rise above their poverty with education and life skills.

I am looking forward to this so much. I love that my kids are also going to see first hand how their love, prayers, letters and gifts can change someone's life. That these kids are real and they are hurting and in need and we can do something about it.

Go to compassion and check it out, maybe you will want to sponsor a child of your own.

Here are some of the blog posts from the writers on the trip:

http://www.keelymariescott.com/

http://www.wearethatfamily.com/2010/03/day-4-my-rescue.html

http://www.bradruggles.com/2010/03/07/im-leaving-a-piece-of-my-heart-in-africa/

http://www.catalystspace.com/catablog/full/tears_laughter_tears_laughter/

Amazing. Beautiful. Love.

Miller Prep Academy

2010-02-25T08:24:00.000-06:00

Thanks for holding your horses. Here is goes with the home school spiel.

I also know that this is for some reason a highly sensitive subject. So I know that some will think I am right, some will think I am wrong and probably all of you will think I am crazy. Guess what? That is the best thing about being the mom. I get to make the decisions for me and my family.
So there - nany-nany-boo-boo.

Oh, wow I am feeling a little spicy today - this post may be an interesting one.

I have to start by really eating my words on this one. (I hate that when that happens don't you - and for some reason I usually find myself with a mouthful - you think I would learn) There are a few people in particular over the past couple of years that I have said some pretty strong things to about home schooling. (I know, hard to believe that I spoke my mind with my strong opinions) Ummm... sorry. I was not in their shoes and did not know all the details of their situation.

Here it goes, I have been known to say things like
"Kids need to learn to be in the real world - school is part of life."
"Some home school kids are weird. They are not socialized and although may be "smarter" are not equipped to deal with people which is just about 90% of what life is"
"The point of raising kids is to make them well adjusted, functioning parts of society - how are you going to do that if you keep them home in your sheltered world?"

Okay so that was when I had a three year old and I was far from making this decision. Kindergarten, homeschooling, private school, etc hadn't even crossed my mind. I spoke on preconceived notions and I didn't have the full picture. And although I do believe that those and other statements may be true in part, they aren't the end all be all for everyone's situation.

I know for a fact that I have met several well adjusted - "not weird" kids that are home schooled. They have tons of friends and activities that they are involved in. They are learning more in a shorter amount of time and do not have to be at school for 8 hours a day and then have homework every night.

So on to why I decided to home school Caleb for kindergarten.

First of all, Caleb is the oldest of three kids that are all very close together in age. He went from being the baby to big brother of two very fast. I often require a lot more of him because frankly he can handle it. He doesn't need me to baby him through life. He is independent and sure of himself and a very fast learner. So, here it is 5 years later and it is kindergarten time! Wow, time flies. I know that as soon as we enter that KISD school district life is going to change BIG time. Early carpool, 4 o'clock pick up, homework after that - and then off to an activity if we choose to do that as well.

So I thought to myself. Yes this is what everyone does, but is it what we have to do?

Nope. We have a choice. I can protect my kids and my family from the crazy hectic lifestyle for a little longer. We have the flexibility to go to the science and nature museum without it being a crazy packed Saturday. We will have the flexibility to get all of our work done and still have time for play for a little longer. We can go on a road trip with dad and take our school with us. And IF we decide to do (ONE) activity like soccer or baseball or whatever it may be- we will not be finishing homework as we run out the door, as we grab some fast food, as we head to practice.

TANGENT ALERT:
I have some pretty strong opinions on putting kids in thousands of activities at a young age and justifying it under that fact that "they really enjoy it" - yeah right, everyone loves being stressed out to the max running to and fro with their head cut off like a turkey while trying to balance ballet, soccer, recitals, baseball, family time, homework, enough sleep, playtime, etc. Sounds like a lot of fun to 3-5 year olds to me - all just because everyone else does it and we don't want our kids to be the ones that are behind....
Someone has to protect the boundaries of these kids being kids. Sure playing soccer is fun with your friends - but some of these teams are practicing up to three nights a week PLUS games. It seems to be a little ridiculous at the cost of family time, sanity, sleep and schedules. Here's a novel idea - get a group of kids together (or just your own) at an appropriate time and play soccer or ballet with them. The kids just really want to spend time with you anyway, you can still help develop whatever they are interested in. You wouldn't be spending every single night a week running around and don't get me started on the cost... It is small fortune for all the gear, uniforms, shoes, etc. that your kids HAVE to have or they will be the ones that are left out... Or what about what it costs in costumes and makeup to have a 3 year old in a ballet recital? Really?

Sure, sure. I know that organized team sports are great for learning all sorts of things, and at some point kids have to develop those skills if they are going to be good at it - but come on when they are that little? Darn it! - there I go again expressing strong opinions. Did I mention that I was a slow learner?" Anyway, that might get more people fired up than my homeschooling spiel. Oh well, I can take it.

Back to home schooling. Part of our jobs as moms is to figure out what makes our kids tick. I know that Calebs love language is time and touch. He craves that one on one attention and loves to be right on top of your lap - even though he is huge! He is so inquisitive and wants to sit and spend time talking about things forever. Unfortunately, as intentional as I try to be about this with him. I fail. There aren't enough hours in the day and the demands of #2 and #3 are higher since they are not as self sufficient.

So, I was thought to myself what if I could give Caleb that gift. A gift of a full year of time and focus before he has to go on to the "real world". It would not only be good for Caleb and me, but also for our family. We would be able to preserve this precious time and flexibility that we have together for just a little longer. Sure it would be easier in a sense to send him to school, have #2 and #3 go to preschool and I could actually be home, alone for 5 hours a day!! Think of the things I could get done - maybe our laundry wouldn't be piled up to the moon, I could finally organize some cupboards, or work out. Hmmm... maybe I am beginning to change my mind.

No, actually as nice as that would be - it will come. This is a season in our lives. I am trying so hard to be intentional. To take the good with the bad. The craziness and the sweet, sweet moments. To be patient and to cherish it all, because once it's gone - well, it's gone.

I have some other opinions about the school system and questions on why kindergarten needs to be a full day program. We keep kids in school longer, cut out recesses, shorten lunches, and test more. All because we think that the quality of learning will go up, but it doesn't seem to be working. The time at the school does not equate quality.

Make no mistake this isn't about teachers. There are some amazing teachers out there. In fact, we have several in our family. Teachers do hard work for little pay and truly are acting selflessly when they choose that career path. The problem is not the teachers it is the system. They are bound by red tape and regulations and are not able to manage their classrooms and tap into the kids individual learning styles because everything has to be so standardized. I hope that there can be change for this in the future. But like it or not it is the way it is and soon enough I am sure my kids will find themselves in the school system and I am sure they will do great. I say this because my plan is to do it for a year, but I don't know what the year after that will hold. What if it is amazing and I want to continue? What if it is not? What if I can't teach kindergarten math? (Austin is actually strongly concerned in this area - rightfully so because if you knew what my math skills were like - well let's just say you would be scared too.)

Good news. I don't have to worry about next year, or the year after than. We will just wait and see. Until then though, the Miller Prep Academy will be the school for him.

bloggers block?

2010-02-23T07:00:00.003-06:00

I would like to say that things have been extra busy and that is the reason for not blogging as frequently, but they haven't - they have just been regular busy. I have always seemed to managed to blog a few times a week, but I haven't been feeling it lately. Maybe bloggers block? Nothing funny or witty has come to mind lately, so this is what you get...

We went to lunch yesterday with Austin and all three kids left crying and ended up with spankings and being sent to their room.

McKenna screamed to the top of her lungs the entire 30 minute drive home because she didn't want to hear the music I was playing. That wasn't the reason that she started crying - can't remember why - she is always in trouble these days. She doesn't listen, she blatantly disobeys, and then begs for "one more chance" every time. I just turned it up the music louder and tuned them all out. I found my little happy place and gained my composure before we got home.

Caleb was crying and upset because I told him if he didn't eat his lunch that was fine, but he would have that same thing for snack and dinner. (I am SO sick of them saying they are starving and then the don't eat a darned thing at the table and two seconds later they ask for a snack!) No more - not in this house.

And Zane, well he was crying just because he was tired and wanted to take a nap.

We have been busy purging all the extra stuff we have around here. Too much. Too many toys, clothes, books, dishes, cups, etc., etc. I am trying to go room by room and get things organized and then make a place for everything. We started with the playroom and it has been quite manageable. Even when a bomb looks like it went off up there, it only takes a few minutes to put all the things back in their places. Everything is labeled and the kids can help out a lot more then the used to.

Another thing that was completely stressing me out is getting the kids dressed in the morning. We were always running up and down the stairs for a particular shirt, or a pair of socks or the tights that matched the dress.

Now we have a new rule. All the clothes must be picked out he night before and brought downstairs. I have bin for all three kiddos that they put them in. Then the next morning after breakfast they can put their clothes on and put their dirty clothes directly into the laundry room. It solved a ton of issues, saves us time and headache!

I need to get McKenna potty trained, but I am just to darned lazy to do it. I know she could do it, but I am terrified of the inconvenience that it is going to cause in my life. With Caleb if he had to pee we just just pull over on the side of the road, with McKenna it is not quite that easy and the thought of unloading all three kids to go into some nasty gas station because she has "gotta go" at some random moment is just not appealing to me one bit. Oh well...

Lent is going well. The hardest part is not mindlessly grabbing part of the snack that the kids have. I didn't realize how much I would do that. A handful of goldfish here, part of a bar here. You get the idea. I haven't missed the sugar too much and I have lots few of those baby pounds I needed to get off. I just have had to plan ahead on what I am going to eat for the day so I don't get stuck in that panic where I am starving and gotta eat right at that moment.

Austin has been traveling a ton, but is well on his way to be Platinum with Marriott. There will be some really nice perks when that happens. Not that it trades off for him being gone so much, but if he has to be gone we may as well benefit from it in some way.

A friend recommended a really spiritually challenging book. It is called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Warning: it is very intense in a convicting way. I actually am not reading the book. I got the audio book for my iTouch and it is read by the author. I am 2/3 the way through and it is a hard pill to swallow because it is about lukewarm Christianity. The book challenges you to really love people like Jesus loves us - no matter what, without expecting anything in return, and radically. It has been hard to look at our lives an really evaluate what we do versus what we could do for others. So far it is has been great and I would really recommend it.

Well, it is freezing here again. There is talk of snow again and I am so ready for our short lived spring and dare I say hot weather. I want to see the sun!

FAT TUESDAY

2010-02-16T18:57:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I know very little about Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and all that hoopla BUT Austin and I do take part in lent and I do know that it starts the day after Fat Tuesday. Our church does not observe it, but for as long as we have been together we have always given up something for lent.

We do it in honor of all that Jesus has sacrificed for us. It prepares our hearts and minds for the celebration of Easter and helps us focus on Him for 40 days.

In the past we have given up sodas, desserts, fast foods, candy, etc. This year I am going to give up all the "bad carbs". No chips, bread, desserts, candy, etc. I know, what I am thinking!?

I feel like I really need to be challenged. I take so many things for granted and as much as I try to get up and do my quiet time in the mornings and be cognitive of what He is trying to teach me - let's be honest, by 9 am I am already making my list of things that I need to ask for forgiveness for that night.

Since food is my passion (and weakness), what a better way to keep focused minute by minute on the beautiful and ultimate sacrifice that He gave to me.

I will keep you posted. I am thinking I am going to go into some SERIOUS sugar withdrawals and someone is going to have to talk me down and keep me going.

P.S. I am writing this whilst drinking red wine and eating cookie dough. Is that what Fat Tuesday is about - indulgence? Not sure, but it's going to be a long 40 days...

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T08:45:00.004-06:00

My how V-day has changed over the years! It used to be all about hot dates, flowers, romance, chocolates, balloon bouquets & giant stuffed animals (okay so not so much about the last two. I think I threatened any boyfriend with their lives telling them not to even think about showing up to my house with some ridiculous balloon bouquet attached to a giant giraffe with hearts for eyes wearing a t-shirt that says "Hot for You")

Now Valentine's day is not always quite like that... Are you joking? Bribe a babysitter and pay her double so we can go out and fight the crowds, pay too much for a meal, and get shoved out the door when you barely have your salad finished because they have another seating right behind you. Have Austin show up with a dozen red roses that I know he paid 3x the amount for. Nope not for me.

So now Austin and I rarely celebrate V-day on V-day. We try to plan something earlier in the week or even earlier in the month for that matter, but it is never really that big of a deal - usually it just a good dinner with good conversation. This year we actually had the opportunity to do something. We went to San Antonio for literally a 24 hour trip. We left at 10am got back and 10am the next day. We watched Couples Retreat in bed, went to dinner at 8, but never made it to dinner because we sat and had cocktails and long, good conversation about love, marriage, sex, kids, and life. The waitress was worried about interrupting us and later told us that she thought that we were on our second date. What a compliment? That we still looked so ga-ga at each other that we could be dating! Who knew we could still be in love FIFTEEN years after our first kiss on February 13, 1995?! We are more in love today than we ever have been, but it has not been without our fair share of tough times.

Disclaimer: I have to say this because I feel so passionate about this right now. We have friends that are seriously struggling in their marriages. Some are fighting with everything they have and some sadly are planning to dissolve the marriage thinking that it will never be better. If you are in a place in your marriage are you are not happy or do not think it will ever get better, don't be discouraged. 2008 was a terrible, terrible year for us. (Interesting you never know what goes on behind closed doors - there were only a few people that knew what we were actually going through) We landed ourselves in counseling for a long list of issues and I felt hopeless. Divorce had crept into my vocabulary and I started to think that it could be a possibility in our future. If you told me then, that I would feel this way about Austin and our marriage I would have laughed in your face and told you that you must be smoking some crack! It was bad y'all. But God is good and He is faithful. Through hard work, lots of forgiveness on both parts, patience, time, and nurturing we made it. It was not easy, but it was SO worth it. So start today. Start with looking at yourself and realizing all the things that our sweet Lord has forgiven you for and then start offering that forgiveness to your spouse. Find a christian counselor, try reading the Love Dare or Gary Chapmans Love Language or Four Seasons of Marriage. Use Valentine's day like New Years with your spouse. Sit down and talk about what last year held and what you want to see for the next year. Don't let another day go by without resolving to fight! It is worth it.

So now my Valentine's day is not only about making sure my hot hubby knows how much I love him but it is also about telling my sweet babes how much I love them. Giving them heart shaped breakfast and treats. And from them, I receive handmade heart cards, and homemade cookies. Ahhh...this Valentines Day is good.

Happy Valentines Day!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

2010-02-10T16:02:00.002-06:00

Gosh! Where to start? It has been a whirlwind since Christmas. I CANNOT believe it is Feburary and I have a boy that is about to be FIVE next month. Where has the time gone?

We have been busy, seriously busy.

We welcomed sweet baby Cole Zander Ralston to our family on Janurary 19. He is just as cute as could be and we are quite the proud aunt and uncle. McKenna cannot wait until he is old enough so she can hold him.

The entire month of Januray the kids missed school. The first two weeks they were sick and the last two we went to San Antonio to visit Cole and we tagged along on a trip with Dad to try out the new JW Marriott Hill Country hotel. The trip was interesting. I had to drive the three kiddos up there by myself to meet Austin since he was going to be meeting us from a different city. Well, wouldn't you know that business meetings got held over and he wasn't going to be able to make it until the next day. So there I was with three kids solo on a mini vacation. Not something I would have planned on my own... but it turned out okay.

Then my mom and I booked a surprise trip to visit my sister and her husband in Buffalo. So we drove in from San Antonio - I chnaged suitcases my mom picked me up and off we headed to the airport. It was a fun, fast, event filled weekend. Filled with Wally ball at the bar, an almost missed flight, plenty of snow, and lots of laughter.

I have booked myself to capacity trying to work as much as possible to make a little bit more $$. So from here on out I am working Friday, Saturday and Sunday at either the church or Briscoe.

Austin in traveling like crazy, but has started off the new year with already amazing sales - so can't complain there.

Zane is everywhere. We took down the gate on the stairs. He can get up and down them like a champ and is only 17 months old.

Caleb is learning sight words and getting so excited about being home schooled for Kindergarten next year. (Yes, I said home school. Hold your horses! I will post all about it soon enough and you will get to know why I am doing it)

And McKenna - well McKenna is just a mess. She is funny and dramatic and always on the go. She is infatuated with her Papa and would be quite content to be carried around by him 24 hours a day.

I am actually writing this from the JW Marriott in San Antonio. Gram and Papa are keeping the kids for a night so I could tag along on a business trip with Austin for a night. Ahhh...blogging in a comfy bed with Starbucks in hand while hubby is on a conference call. The silence is deafening, but oh so nice for a change.

So there you go. Like I said, it is a little bit of this and a little bit of that but for now that is all I have time to do. Hang with me. I will get back to blogging more soon (and posting pictures). I promise.

Julia Child dinner party

2010-01-26T19:22:00.014-06:00

I was lucky enough to be invited to a Julia Child dinner party. My next door neighbor and her two friends had this brilliant idea: Each would invite another couple, each couple would have to bring an item from Julia's cookbook and a bottle of wine to complement it, each couple must be foodies.

The party was a success!

The menu was decadent, delicious and just darned overboard!

Appetizer:

Tomatoes a la Provencale
Cucumbers au Beurre

Galettes au Fromage

First Course:
French Onion Soup
Homemade French Bread

Entree:
Coq au Vin

Boeuf Bourguignon

(In hindsight I should have plated the Beouf Bourguignon and Coq au Vin. I think I was too excited to taste it to even think about it. These pictures don't do it justice. It was so tender and juicy!

Sides:
Scalloped Potatoes

Haricots Verts A La Provencale

Desserts:
Chocolate Mousse
Orange Bavarian Creme
Creme Brule
Chocolate Profiteroles

Wouldn't you know that I was too busy plating desserts that I didn't take one dang picture! Ughh!

It was AMAZING and so much fun. It was great to meet so many interesting and fun people. We are already talking about the next one...maybe another Julia party, maybe we select a new cookbook each time and have to cook from that, maybe we select a theme. Regardless of what we decide, one thing is for sure - the food and friends will be FANTASTIC!

Oreos and Ice Cream Sandwiches

2010-01-25T20:18:00.003-06:00

The stuff in the middle is usually the "good stuff". You know, like in oreos and ice cream sandwiches. *Sidenote* Do you think there is any value in eating an oreo if it is not a double stuff? I mean come on, they are just not the same. And whoever came up with the idea of "light" oreos - must have been one cookie crumb short.

Anyway, the good stuff can be found in the middle of those things, but that is not the case about my day.

It was a great day. It started off so fun. The weather was fantastic, we got our needed chores done, we went to the store (the kids were dreamboats), we played games at home (airplane pilot emergency landing - don't ask I don't. I just do whatever Caleb tells me and the game works out perfect), we went to the park and played or guts out and then...

the witching hour arrived.

All out craziness. I looked down at these kids and wanted to know were my little angels went. In a matter of minutes they turned into lunatics. Caleb was screaming his head off (rightfully so due to a bike accident) I turned around to see that McKenna and Zane were chasing each other with forks - YES, I said forks. Yikes! Put the silverware back in the dishwasher and step away! They all started groaning about being starving, they needed their shoes taken off, they were thirsty, #2 and #3 both needed their diapers changed...the list goes on.

Y'all it was bonkers around here.

Then Dad comes home. We eat. We read stories. We snuggle and then they are off to dreamland.

I make one of those molten chocolate cakes in the microwave pile it high with vanilla bean ice cream and eat it in a bubble bath. Austin agrees to be "on call" tonight. I take a sleeping pill (as insurance to cash in on this beautiful opportunity), do a little blogging, get in bed and read a little.

Ahhh, now that's better. A sweet start, a sweet ending - but the stuff in the middle - not so good.

Italian Meatball Subs

2010-01-12T12:43:00.006-06:00

So I am not the best about following recipes. I usually go to a recipe to get the general idea of something, but I would say 99% of the time I either add something to a recipe, substitute something or leave something off.

I rarely measure - well unless I am baking, but I usually just eyeball it. Come on people it isn't rocket science and it isn't going to make or break a recipe if you add 2 tsp of oregano instead of 1 tsp.

So relax, pour a glass of wine and get cookin'!

2 pounds of ground meat (I happened to use the leanest beef and the leanest turkey I could find - it is after all the new year - so I'm trying to keep it resolution friendly)
1 medium onion diced
about a cup of bread crumbs
1 egg or egg substitute
1/4 cup or so of grated Parmesan
about 2 tbsp. of Worcestershire sauce
bunch of fresh chopped parsley
dash of dried oregano or fresh if you got it
tablespoon or so of garlic powder or about 4 cloves of chopped, fresh garlic
salt and pepper

Mix it all together, form 2 inch meatballs, put them on a pan sprayed with Pam (they will stick if you don't because there is not much fat in these) and bake at 375 degrees for 40-45 minutes. Make sure about half way through you flip them around.

Then open up a jar of spaghetti sauce, heat it on the stove in a saucepan. Add the meatballs - gently stir them around, but don't break them up.

Serve on buns or bread (we happened to have whole wheat sugar free hot dog buns on hand) and sprinkle with mozzarella cheese.

You can make a big batch of these bad boys and freeze them. Pop them out the night that you need dinner and them to the sauce and voila!

yummy, healthy and easy.

Faith and Action

2010-01-08T12:43:00.004-06:00

I am doing a new daily devotional. New Year, new devotional. Last year I did The One Year at His Feet Devotional by Chris Tiegreen (Well, I did it some days - you probably can guess which ones by looking back on my posts and seeing what kind of attitude I had that day...anyway enough about me) and it was absolutely fantastic. I cannot tell you how many times it met me exactly where I was and gave me exactly what I needed that day. I highly recommend it.

This year I picked Come Away My Beloved by Frances J Roberts. It's different, but so far I like it. It has a scripture at the top and then has a "letter" written you as if it was God speaking to you. Kind of a neat perspective, but like I said different.

This past week there was an entry about Faith and Action.

It started with Matthew 9:29 This is the verse where Jesus heals the blind and mute. He asked them if they believed that he was going to heal them and they said yes. Then he touched the mans eyes and said "According to your faith will it be done to you"

In my devotional it says "In your daily walk, you shall be victorious only to the degree that you trust Me. I can help you only as you ask. I will meet you at every point where you put action alongside your prayers."

That hit me hard. How many times do we throw up prayers and say "God I need you to help me", but we don't follow through on action on our part. We don't change our attitude or our actions.

Or how many times do we cry out to God asking where He is in a tough situation, but if we really dig deep we are not trusting Him to fix the problem. We keep trying to come up with our own solutions and keep trying to do it our way.

Or how many times do we just try to do it all by ourselves and never even go to Him.

Me, I do this ALL the time.

God is stating loud and clear. If you don't trust me, if you don't ask, and if you don't put action to your prayers then you ain't getting results (of course results don't mean whatever you prayed for, but rather our deepest desires that sometimes we don't even know b/c He knows us better than ourselves ). We are not going to be able to really enjoy the relationship that He desperately wants with us if we don't pair faith with action.

So there you go. That was my "ah-ha" moment for today.

French manicures make changing diapers glamourous...

2010-01-08T08:26:00.008-06:00

Here's the scoop.

This past summer I went on a mother daughter girls weekend with some friends. One of the mom's brought little gifts for everyone. One of which was peel and stick nail polish.

I know, you are thinking the exact same thing that I was. "I am sure that it doesn't work and it is probably impossible to do."

So it sat in my drawer for several months until the other day when weighed the options of waiting 18 years when Zane graduates high school to find the time to get a manicure or to go ahead and try the crazy nail stickers. Ummm...18 years is a long time so out of the package it came.

It really wasn't that hard to put on. They looked pretty good. I imagine it was a little more time consuming than the regular nail polish because it was a french manicure (so there were two steps involved), but considering I did it while the kids watched a video it didn't take much time at all.

Anyway, don't you know that I thought I was pretty sassy with my new french manicure. I found myself doing my regular chores all fancy like. Changing diapers and loading the dishwasher all the sudden seemed so glamorous now with my pretty little nails. I couldn't wait to fold laundry while admiring my beautiful nails.

Okay, I am getting carried away - letting my little indulgence go straight to my head (and may be feeling a little delusional)

So it may not have made all those things seemed glamorous, but it sure was fun. AND it sure beats that heck out of waiting until I have time to fit a french manicure in.

Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

2010-01-08T06:53:00.003-06:00

I am not afraid of wolves, but I am afraid of other things. Everyone is afraid of something. The dark, terrorist attacks, flying on planes, heights, sickness, something happening to our children or the ones we love, not getting the approval of others, and the list goes on.

I mentioned a while back that after the death of Austin's dad that I started to begin to fear dying. The fear has nothing to do with me and dying and what happens. I know that I will be dancing in the street with Jesus and having a great time chatting it up with Austin's parents. I know that there will be nothing like seeing the promises that Jesus has made come to fruition in eternity. However, what I am scared about is my kids and husband left behind. I have seen first hand how hard it is for kids to grow up without a mom and how it shapes them into the adults that they become. Austin dealt with it one way and his brother another. It is heartbreaking to think that I would not be there to see them grow up and have families of their own. It is nearly unbearable to even think about, yet I find myself thinking about it all the time. Will they be okay? Would Austin be so overwhelmed doing it by himself? Families are supposed to have a mom and a dad, that is how it is supposed to work. Who would be the nurturer, the memory maker, the holiday planner when I was gone?

Even as I write this, my heart is pounding my breath is short. It is one thing to think it and then another to actually articulate it on paper.

I have to tell myself that they would be okay. I have to remind myself that I believe God is sovereign and that He has each one of their best interests at heart. That if I were to die, that even though I would hate that outcome for them - that He would have a reason and who am I to doubt Him? I have to tell myself that that hurt and hardship that they would be faced with would be used for His glory. I have to tell myself to fix my eyes upon Him and let the fear go.

So whatever your fear is, this beautiful old hymn says it best.

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

O soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Saviour,
And life more abundant and free:

Turn you eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face;
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion
For more than conqu'rors we are!

His word shall not fail you He promised;
Believe Him and all will be well.
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

*I am doing a bible study called Living Above Worry and Stress, so to be fair to the author and in case you are interested in checking it out, I wanted to make sure that you know where some of the inspiration for this post came from.

NEW YEAR, NEW BLOG

2010-01-07T03:55:00.002-06:00

So....what do you think? Isn't it just precious?! I am so in love with it!!

It has been many months in the making and Jennisa at Once Upon A Blog did a FANTASTIC job. She was fabulous to work with and had great ideas. I am so excited to start the new year with my fancy new blog!

I do have a little work to do on my end. I need to go through and sort things so they will end up under the appropriate tabs and work on adding some of the posts that I have been waiting on doing - so be patient and check back often.

Christmas Recap

2010-01-04T16:00:00.006-06:00

I am alive and well. We survived Christmas and New Years. It was hectic and fun. Busy and exciting. Lots of work, but worth it.

My sister flew in from Buffalo NY to surprise all of us for Christmas. It was a monster surprise. She and the hubs were the only ones that new and they were able to pull it off!! SO exciting.

Buj and Kiwi also came up from San Antonio on their last trip before baby arrives sometime this month. It is killing me not knowing and I can't wait to meet the little one!

We got to spend a lot of time hanging out and playing Mario Brothers on the Wii. Caleb was mesmerized by it. He would have played it 24 hours straight if we let him (which wasn't that far off on one day)

We cooked an 18 pound prime rib accompanied with yorkshire pudding and asparagus with hollandaise. It was all fantastic! We had a little problem with the meat thermometer...

BUT we finally figured it out and all was well.

We went to Christmas Eve service at the Second Baptist Woodway campus and it was spectacular. The music and lights were beautiful and our sweet friends made it all the more special by joining us. We were honored to be able to spend time with them during Wyatt's first Christmas.

The kids LOVED all their gifts and had so much fun on Christmas morning. Caleb got a cool new bike, McKenna got an outdoor playhouse, and Zane got a ride on tractor. So much fun!

We then were invited to an last minute get away to a friends ranch. So we packed up and headed 6 hours west to an AMAZING place. It was so quiet and peaceful. The kids had blast. We rode four wheelers, cooked great food, drank good wine and just had a good time. Austin and I also tried our hand at hunting for the first time. To my surprise, I shot my first boar and an 8 point buck. It was an interesting experience to say the least.

We didn't make it until midnight on New Years, but I can't say I remember a time when we have lately. We feel asleep by the fire after a great meal - finished with biscuit bread pudding and southern comfort cream. Not to shabby for ranch cooking if you ask me.

AND we made sure that we had plenty of black eye peas and cabbage on New Years day before we left the ranch for good luck and prosperity.

Now we are back home and left dealing with the after holiday blues. I can't believe it is over and I can't believe all the things that need to be done, packed up, picked up and organized. *sigh*

So a great end to the year and a great beginning to 2010.

Biscuit Pudding with Southen Comfort Cream

2010-01-01T11:59:00.000-06:00

6 cups roughly crumbled biscuits (I made the ones in the freezer section rather than scratch)
3 eggs
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 heavy cream
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted
1/2 cup of chopped pecans
1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups Southern Comfort Cream (recipe follows)

preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Butter an 8x8 pan and set it aside. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs. Add the mild and cream and whisk to blend. Add the remaining ingredients, except the Southern Comfort Cream. Toss everything together and pour into the prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour. A knife inserted near the middle will come out moist but clean when pudding is cooked. Serve warm with Southern Comfort Cream.

Southern Comfort Cream

1/2 cup unsalted butter
1/2 cup of sugar
1 cup heavy cream
1/3 cup of Southern Comfort

Melt the butter over med heat in a saucepan. Slowly add the sugar to the butter, stirring with a wooden spoon. Cook the mixture for approx. 3 minutes, or until the sugar dissolves. The mixture will be opaque, not clear. Add the cream, stirring constantly, and cook to bring the temp. to 180 degrees. use a candy thermometer to check the temp. Let the mixture simmer for 5 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the Southern Comfort. Serve the sauce warm with the biscuit pudding, or cool it for future use. cool the mixture quickly by inserting the pan into an ice bath. When cool, store it in the refrigerator.

NOT me

2009-12-21T16:13:00.002-06:00

Monday again! And only 4 days until Christmas - where did the time go?!!?

I feel like I was just putting up Christmas decorations yesterday. It has gone by way too fast.

I need to spend some time uploading and posting pictures of all the fun we have had lately. We made cookies this weekend and had lots of fun down time. It was so nice not to have to go, go, go!

This week I did NOT dress Zane in clothes and put him to bed so it would be one less thing for me to do the next day.

I also did NOT clean out my car and need two trashcans to do so. I always keep a clean car and there is never any toys, food, sippy cups, bottles, socks, books, school bags, mail, hats, coats, shoes, and presents left in my car. Never.

While cleaning out the car I definitely did NOT get my self stuck while leaning over the third row seat. I did NOT have my legs high in the air in an extremely awkward position when I heard a house door shut and then realized that my sweet neighbors saw the whole thing and were laughing hysterically.

Oh well...NOT me. I sure wouldn't do any of those things.

Hope you laugh hard and lots today!!

I feel like a dumb ass

2009-12-16T21:07:00.004-06:00

I had another roller coaster day today.

I set my alarm this morning to get up at 6:15 so I could actually get showered and dressed (read - actually put on make-up, do my hair and maybe put on some earrings) because the kids had their Christmas program. However, the kids got up at 6:20. Nice. So, I settled for no shower, a little makeup and my mommy uniform (gym clothes).

I got to school and was already pissed off. Why did they have to get up that early? Today was going to be different. I was going to get ready, have some coffee, a little quiet time before the day started. Like I said, today was going to be different.

Then I see all the other moms dropping off their kids. They all seemed to have time to get dressed up in their cute outfits, make-up and even jewelery! One mom even had cute boots on and a scarf! I mean seriously at 9:00 in the morning, I just don't see how that is possible. So when I saw a sweet friend I lost it. The tears the came and I couldn't stop.

I spent the rest of the day trying to recover and reflect. Why am I in this funk? Why can't I shake it? So, I spent a lot of time today asking God to help me with an attitude change.

Well, you think that I would have learned by now that when you ask you receive - I should be careful what I pray for.

Fastforward to tonight.

I was working on my blog trying to make these tabs for the new one. Anyway, I got lost in the blog world. Clicking on this link and that and I ended up here. It is a blog about a family that lost one of their sweet 3 year twin daughters named Tuesday to cancer. I can't even imagine. I read, and wept and read some more. I was lost in their story for hours.

This is where the dumbass part comes in.

I said a few days ago "However, my life is not bad. I get it. There are people that are going into this Christmas season with really dire circumstances. Sick family members, no jobs, broken marriages, financial crisis, and tragic losses. Like I said, I get it. I know that my life is not bad."

Hmmm...nope. I don't think I really get it.

It was like a big slap in the face. (Leave it to God to send His messages in a big way)

As I read my heart ached so badly for their family and then ached so badly in a differnt way for mine. Suddenly I could care less about all the "to do's" that I have to get done in the next few weeks. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was to have all three kids in my lap and do nothing but tell them how much I love them. I could literally feel the attitude change taking place.

The tiredness being replaced with a new resolve to make moments count.

The self pity that I was really feeling because I didn't have time to take care of me being replaced with gratitude that I have the privledge to take care of my kids.

The pathetic pessimistic attitude being replaced with joyful optimism.

I went straight upstairs took each child out of bed and held them so tight. I cried while I asked for their forgiveness for taking them for granted and for not "getting it". I inhaled deeply and smelled their sweet smell and brushed my hands through their hair in honor of that sweet mom that will not ever be able to do that to her daughter.

Yeah, I feel like a dumb ass. It was not the first time and it sure won't be the last time. I am sure that I will be here again soon rambling about not having enough time to do what I need to do, etc. etc. blah, blah, blah. You will all have to sit through it and see me learn my lesson again (I never said I was a fast learner, sorry) And I am sure there will be plenty more along the way. Ughh?! Why does growing always involve hard lessons? Oh well, this is one lesson that is sure worth learning no matter how many times I have to be reminded.

Please do not use your hot dog as a light sabor and other words of wisdom.

2009-12-16T15:00:00.000-06:00

Lots of conversation takes place at the Miller Big Top. Just so you know, we only focus on teaching our kids intellectual lessons making sure to always give them words of wisdom and sage advice. Kind of like this...

Stop playing hockey with your sippy cups at the dinner table.

Let's see who can be the quietest (or who can act like a rock) gotta love that one.

Zane, get down.

McKenna, please don't lick the milk you spilt out of your cereal off the table it is not polite.

Zane, get off that.

Dog food is for dogs to eat, not you.

If you want to lick your own fingers that is fine, but please don't lick someone elses.

Zane, you are going to bust your head. Get off that.

Caleb, you cannot go commando everyday. Underwear is important to wear.

Kids, there are other things to eat in this world besides chicken nuggets and pizza.

Zane, chairs are for sitting not standing. You are going to bust you head.

Trash cans are for putting things into, not taking things out of. Except please don't put mommy's shoes in there or the remote control or daddy's keys, or....

Candy is not part of a balance diet.

I know, I know. It is all part of the plan. We figure if we keep all this intellectual mind building up the fear of paying for college will go right out the door. Scholarships here we come baby!

Crock Pot Chicken

2009-12-15T08:57:00.007-06:00

I wanted to do something easy tonight for dinner. So I had a few things on hand and decided to throw them in the good 'ole crock pot. It was delish! Don't get me wrong it isn't going to win any blue ribbons, but the kids liked it and so did the hubs.

Here you go:

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 can of French onion soup
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
1 1/2 cups of sliced mushrooms
1 cup of white wine
2 cloves of garlic
half a sliced onion
dash of pepper

Mix it all together, cook on high until the chicken is done (throw on some fresh parsley and Parmesan if you have some) and serve over egg noodles. Yummy!

A Not feeling like me kind of week

2009-12-14T20:18:00.007-06:00

I am too tired right now to come up with all the things that I "did Not do" this past week. Lets just say there were probably more than I wish to name since this week was particularly hard. I think that a combination of sleep deprivation and hormone imbalance was probably the culprit. (I just changed to a new birth control pill a month ago and I think I am one of those "in rare cases this pill can cause...") Well actually my husband and mom both had a impromptu sort of intervention. "You are not being yourself...your focus is not in the right place...this is not like you...this reminds me of your postpartum depression after the babies talk." So, I am off to change pills and hope that I am not going crazy.

On another note:

We did do lots and lots this week and I have pictures that I need to get up. Gingerbread houses, family game night and kids crazy Christmas show. Lots of fun!

I just put the last stamp on the Christmas cards - why do envelopes taste like that?

I am thinking about cookies, lots and lots of cookies. Believe it or not, I have not been around one piece of fudge, cookies, toffee, peppermint bark or even chex mix. Where are all the holiday treats?! Sounds like I need to get cooking.

Also, the new blog is almost finished! Yay! Did I not tell you? I am getting a bloggie makeover (not the only makeover this gal needs - can I tell you how long it has been since I have had my eyebrows waxed)! Sorry, anyway - the new blog is fabulous and I am so stinking excited. I can't wait for you to see it. It is going to have cute pics of my kiddos and fun tabs and links and all sorts of sweet stuff. Hopefully it will be up and running soon!

Alright, I am off to clean house, and get to bed...please no one get up tonight, please no one get up tonight...

Nothing left to live for...

2009-12-10T09:30:00.003-06:00

A friend sent this to my today and I thought it was just too funny not to share.

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

His son burst into tears and sobbed "Please don't tell me, I don't want to know!"
Confused the father asked what is going on.
The son went on to say - "When I was 6 I got the there is no Easter bunny talk. When I was 7 I got the no tooth fairy speech. When I was 8 you hit me with the no Santa speech.
If you are going to tell me that grown ups really don't have sex, then there is nothing left to live for."

Make sure you laugh lots today!

Since most of you say that you like reading my blog because it is "real"

2009-12-08T11:09:00.005-06:00

It is easy and in fact even fun to share what goes on in this frantic circus that we live in. I love that day in and day out quirkiness that makes our family, our family. It is crazy and hectic, but I am blessed and I wouldn't have it any other way. That stuff is easy to write about. But since we are being "real" here, it is not so easy to write about my shortcomings or the mommy guilt that I deal with. So bear with me.

I am just one of many moms out there that are trying to "do it all". There are millions of moms that share my same mission:
To make a happy home (and do the dishes and laundry every once in a while)
To be a good wife
To raise kids to love Jesus
To create lasting and meaningful moments with my kids
To be a good friend and family member
To serve my church and community

That in itself is a lot but usually it I don't have to do all of those things at the same time in the same moment. However, right now on top of my "normal stay at home mom job" we have a lot of other stuff going on and it ~~sucks~~ is challenging. It seems like we are in crisis mode with so many other circumstances. We just lost my husbands dad, we have an alcoholic in the family that is at his all time worst, people we love are hurting in their marriages, I am trying to work a little more that usually for the extra $, and the list goes on.

Oh yeah, and it's Christmas time. Which is my most favorite time of the year. I love it and everything it stands for. But you also know what Christmas brings... LOTS of stuff to do. Christmas cards, parties, gift exchanges, cooking, parties, decorating, did I mention parties? SO fun. Certainly a time to celebrate, but like I said a lot to do if there are not normal circumstances going on.

However, my life is not bad. I get it. There are people that are going into this Christmas season with really dire circumstances. Sick family members, no jobs, broken marriages, financial crisis, and tragic losses. Like I said, I get it. I know that my life is not bad.

But right now I feel like I am in the trenches and the 'good 'ole cheery count your blessing pep talk' is not working for me. Does that ever happen to you or am I the only one? You totally get that you are blessed beyond blessed, but you are just in funk that you can't get out.

I start feeling sorry for myself that I am so tired.
I get sick and tired of being needed by everyone and I want to throw a fit and say "What about me!?" "Who is looking out for me?!"
I get pissed off that people that we love keep making the same mistakes and then we have to be there to help them through it - again.

And then I feel guilty. So guilty because how selfish is that? I know, it is terrible. I can't believe that I am thinking these things. There are so many people that are hurting, that need help and prayer and encouragement. AND I know that I have needed it and will need it in the future so how selfish is that?! Ugh. I am disgusted.

Here's the thing, I wouldn't trade being there for my family when they needed me for the world. I would walk uphill both ways to get to a friend in need. I want to decorate and celebrate Jesus' birth with my kids until we have candy canes coming out our ears. I don't want to miss the opportunity to send a note of encouragement or prayer to anyone that needs it. I want to make sure that those people that do make the mistakes over and over AND over (ugh - there I go again!) see God's forgiveness through me. That is who I want to be. It just so happens that it is all happening at the same time.

So what's a gal to do? I guess cry it out to her sweet, loving and understanding husband, vent to her mom and friends (thanks guys), take a nap with her sweet baby girl on a rainy day (ahhh...that was so nice McKenna), pray first for forgiveness and then for strength, take a deep breath and keep on going.

NOT me today

2009-12-07T15:30:00.005-06:00

I did Not forget that I committed to make chili for 150 people and remembered 4 hours before the event.

I did Not forgot that I signed up at the beginning of Caleb's school year to organize his classroom Christmas party. Seems to me that when I signed up in August I thought it was a good idea...

I did Not cut myself on a tomato can while making said chili.

I was Not able to make the chili in 3 hours including the time it took to go to the store (God bless you mom, for watching the kids while I went or I would probably still be at the grocery store).

I did Not bribe the kids with cookies and candy so I could get the chili finished.

I did Not make a disaster of the kitchen I had already cleaned once today.

I did Not want to start drinking wine at 2.

I did Not got a notice saying I was delinquent on filing taxes for the business we are trying to start. I didn't know I had to file anything since we haven't started yet and don't have any sales. Seems like I thought it was a good idea to start a business with three small kids and two part time jobs.

I am Not about to go upstairs and watch a "race" the kids are going to put on for me and I have been telling them I will be there "in a minute" for the past 30. (Okay, maybe 45)

I am Not going to pretend that the giant zit that appeared from out of no where on the end of my nose is an attempt to be festive and dress up like rudolph for the holidays.

I am Not considering going into hibernation on Jan 1st for a very long time.

Snow day in Houston!

2009-12-07T10:57:00.006-06:00

It was unbelievable and magical. The kids had so much fun. We never in a million years thought we would be able to make snowmen and have a snow ball fight. I took these pictures early on in the day, but we did end up with about 1-2 inches on the ground. Amazing!

Thanksgiving Dinner

2009-12-04T14:50:00.004-06:00

As promised and still in time for those of you that need a super recipe for a turkey for Christmas. (We do Prime Rib and Yorkshire Pudding, but if you need a turkey recipe - this one is sure to please!) Using a brine does take extra time and effort, but the combination of a brine and making sure you do not over cook the turkey makes for the juiciest turkey ever! In order to make sure you don't overcook it you absolutely must have a meat thermometer and in my opinion you need a digital one that has an alarm on it.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Brine

4 quarts apple cider, divided
1 1/2 cups kosher salt
1/4 cup whole allspice
8 bay leaves
4 quarts cold water
1 20-pound turkey (neck and gizzard removed)

Sage Broth

2 cups low-salt chicken broth (MUST use low salt b/c the turkey will already be salted due to the brine)
1/2 onion, quartered
1 celery stalk, cut into 4 pieces
8 fresh sage leaves

Gravy

3 tablespoons all purpose flour
2 tablespoons fresh sage leaves
1/4 cup applejack brandy or Calvados
1/4 cup whipping cream

For brine:
Simmer 1 quart apple cider, salt, allspice, and bay leaves in 20-quart pot 5 minutes, stirring often. Cool completely. Add remaining 3 quarts cider and 4 quarts water. Place turkey in brine. (We used a new Home Depot paint bucket to put it in) Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Drain turkey and rinse. Arrange on several layers of paper towels in roasting pan. Refrigerate uncovered overnight.

For broth:
Simmer all ingredients in large saucepan 30 minutes. Strain sage broth into bowl.

Set rack at lowest position in oven; preheat to 450°F. Remove paper towels from roasting pan. Pat main and neck cavities of turkey dry; stuff loosely with aromatics (apple slices, garlic cloves, lemon, bunch of herbs, onion, etc) Place turkey in pan, tuck wings under, and tie legs together loosely. Rub canola oil over the entire turkey

Roast the turkey on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F for 30 minutes. Watch it VERY closely to make sure that it is not getting too browned. If so, then loosely tent it with foil. Insert a probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees F. Set the thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees F. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let the turkey rest, loosely covered with foil or a large mixing bowl for 15 minutes before carving.

For gravy:
Pour pan juices into large measuring cup. Spoon off fat. Reserve 3 tablespoons fat and degreased juices. Pour sage broth into roasting pan. Bring to boil, scraping up browned bits. Combine flour, sage leaves, and reserved 3 tablespoons fat in heavy large saucepan; stir over medium heat 1 minute. Whisk in broth from roasting pan and reserved pan juices. Add applejack and cream and boil until gravy thickens slightly, whisking often, about 4 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Strain into sauceboat. Serve turkey with gravy.

Mmmm.... enjoy!

If you are really lucky I will get around to posting my Pecan, Apple and Sausage Stuffing recipe to go along with this ;-)

G.G. and GrandPOP

2009-12-04T13:33:00.006-06:00

We had the best time with G.G. and GrandPop! The kids loved every minute of it. They played ball, we went fishing, we played Wii, we ate and ate and ate AND we laughed a lot!

We were so blessed to have them come visit for Thanksgiving and cannot believe they are thinking of moving here!! Wouldn't that be the best?!

While they were here, they also made a sweet gift for my kids by recording their voices telling the story of The Night Before Christmas. (Hallmark came out with it this year - precious idea and the illustrations in the book are BEAUTIFUL!) Something we will obviously treasure forever!

(p.s. there is also a coupon in Parents Magazine for $10 off the book)

All and all, it was a fantastic trip and we can't wait to see them again soon!

If only.

2009-12-03T16:27:00.003-06:00

Where is thumbkin? Where is thumbkin? Here I am. Here I am.

If only the car next to me knew that we were singing this song on the way to school today and that we had just gotten to the part about where is Tall Man when they pulled up next to us.

And if only they didn't think that me and my three kids were flipping them off.

if only... *sigh*

NOT Me Monday

2009-11-30T08:05:00.002-06:00

I don't know about you, but I am STILL stuffed from all the yummy eating this past weekend. Our Thanksgiving was a wonderful one and we are so glad that G.G. and Grand Pop could join us! I have tons of great pictures and recipes that I will (hopefully) post soon.

This week I am doing things a little different. These are things that I would NOT ever say - I mean why would I? My kids would NOT do things like this.

Caleb, can you please stop using my bra as a sling shot?

Caleb if you are going to pull McKenna around on the tile, please do it by her feet not her arms.

McKenna, please stop dancing on the kitchen table.

Zane, get off the top of the train table.

Yes, you can eat that off the floor.

Please take Zane out of that box or at least make sure he has some air if he wants to play in there.

McKenna, please stop hiding in the cupboards.

Yes you can wear the same thing that you wore yesterday AND to bed last night. I don't care as long as you have clothes on.

Can someone get Zane out of the dishwasher?

Why are there fruit snacks and pretzels in my bed sheets?

Somebody please tell me that is not poop floating in the bathtub!

Hope you laugh hard and lots today! be blessed.

The Line-up

2009-11-26T10:14:00.002-06:00

TWO turkeys, well one apple cider brined turkey and one turkey breast smothered in garlic, butter, white wine and beautiful fresh herbs.

Apple, Pecan and Sausage Stuffing

Oyster Dressing (gg's and grandpops tradtion)

Squash Cornbread Dressing (new this year)

Sweet Potato Casserole with pecan crumb topping (new this year)

Green Bean Casserole

Green Beans tossed in Walnut Butter

Mashed Potatoes

Rolls

Homeade Cranberry and Citrus Chutney

Pecan Pie

Million Dollar Pie

Pumpkin and Gingersnap Crust Pie (new this year)

Homeade whipped cream

Mmmm....can't wait. Now to play a little football with the kids outside and watch some of the Parade.

Darryl & Pie

2009-11-25T07:02:00.000-06:00

We woke up to a surprise guest in our house!

We are so glad that he came back to be with us this holiday season. He is going to be a great help in the behavior department (at least for Caleb - he is terrified what our little friend is going to report)

Who is here?

Well, it was Darryl! Our personal elf that comes to stay with us around thanksgiving to Christmas. He watches our behavior and flies back to the north pole every night to report back to Santa on who is naughty or nice. Then the next day he comes back and is hiding in a different place for us to find him.

The kids are really excited and can't wait to see where Darryl is going to be tomorrow morning.

Here is where he was when we found him:

To get your own personal elf check out elf on the shelf

Also, here is my Here is my recipe for Million Dollar Pie.

It is a Pillsbury contest winner that I made a few small changes to. I am usually not a huge pie fan unless its pecan - but this one is awesome! It takes like an amazing oatmeal chocolate chip cookie in pie form - add some ice cream to this baby and you are in heaven!

1 refrigerated pie crust

filing:
1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. corn syrup
1/8 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
3 eggs, slightly beaten (I never do this do you? I just put the eggs in and then mix them in - seems like a waste of time if you ask me to "slightly beat" them before you really beat them??)
2 pouches of Natures Valley peanut butter granola bars (crushed)
1/4 c. chopped pecans
1/2 c. quick oats
1/2 c. chocolate chips (I like semi sweet)

Heat oven to 350 degrees.

Line your pie pan with the crust and prick the sides and bottom.

Melt the butter, stir in brown sugar and corn syrup. Beat in salt, vanilla & eggs. Stir in crushed granola bars, pecans, oats and chocolate chips. Pout into the crust lined pan.

Bake 40-50 minutes. Be sure to check on the crust about 30 minutes into the baking to see if the edges are getting to dark. If they are then cover the edges with foil.

Cool at least 30 minutes and enjoy!

My Candy Ho

2009-11-23T22:13:00.001-06:00

I am a “call it like I see it kinda gal”. So even though I have some reservations about this post, I must stay true to myself.

Here it goes… My daughter is a “Candy Ho”. Yes I know, it’s terrible. I just called my daughter a “Ho”. But it is true!! She will seriously do anything for anyone for candy. It’s no lie. She will beg, borrow or steal to get her sugar. It is all she can think or talk about. Halloween was a nightmare. We would go into a store and see the isles of candy and she would start shaking. “Mama, candy!!” “Can I have candy?” "Oh, look at all the candy” “Can I just hold it?” “Just hold it, please?"

THEN anytime you opened the pantry door up she would see the candy and forget all about what she was doing and start talking candy talk. The Halloween candy lasted two days. I had to get it out of the house. I had to hide it. I had to get the candy crack away and fast!

Y’all I am serious! You say candy and her eyeballs just about pop out of her head. She takes a nap for candy, she will play quietly for candy (well, just long enough to get the candy, eat the candy and then ask for more candy – but hey I’ll take it) she will dance for candy, share for candy, and sing for candy. The only thing she won’t do for candy is go potty. Although she will tell any stranger on the street if they will listen that if she goes potty that she will get candy. She has yet to do it, but she will tell you all about it if she can bend your ear.

So there you go. My girl is a Candy Ho.

Not me Monday

2009-11-22T20:49:00.004-06:00

Okay, let's see... hmmmm.

This week I did NOT tell my husband (after a particular tough few days with McKenna) that she was ruining my life! I would never be that dramatic. I wonder where she gets it?

I also did NOT swear on my blog in the middle of a big fat giant pity party that I threw for myself. That would just be too over the top and distasteful. Surely I would be able to control and censor my emotions, at least for the public.

Austin and I did NOT go to bed on Saturday night at 8:30. Yes, that's right. We got in bed not even realizing what time it was and then looked over at the clock expecting it to say midnight or something dang near close. Um, but it wasn't. It was 8:30. Yeah, our weekend lives are quite exciting.

It was also NOT me that texted Austin asking him to stop for vodka and blue cheese stuffed olives on his way home because I felt like fancy martini. I did NOT also say in the text..."Yeah, yeah, I know. Isn't it the holidays though?"

This week I did NOT snort while laughing - TWICE. It was terrible and then hilarious. I hope it doesn't happen again. How embarrassing?!

This week I am going to be cooking up a storm. A delicious sweet potato casserole, apple walnut sausage stuffing, million dollar pie, homemade whipped cream kind of storm and I am going to post all about it. I cannot wait to get in that kitchen!

Wishing you a great Thanksgiving week! I hope you laugh hard and lots and maybe even snort a few times in between.

So all good things come to an end,

2009-11-21T10:38:00.003-06:00

Even pity parties. Boo.

I know you are so sad and that you loved my pessimistic pity party and you came back today to see if I was still going to be pissy. No such luck today. Oh well, get over it. I did.

On to things that make me really happy like cooking and baking and holidays. Yeah!

The Hubs got me the Paula Deen Holiday Magazine (side note: Paula Deen is my FAVORITE cooking celebrity. I daydream about cooking with her and laughing with her. I think she has the BEST laugh in the entire world. Don’t you just love someone with a good laugh? You cannot beat someone with a good laugh that knows how to cook AND isn’t scared of using butter. Man, I love that! I hope I meet her someday)

Anyway, I digress. I am absolutely in love with more than half of the recipes in there. I made this fantastic dip the other day just for the heck of it. No special party or guests, just a yummy appetizer on a regular ‘ole weekday. I divided it in two batches and froze one thinking I would have it this week as an appetizer when my grandparents are here. Haven’t cooked the frozen one, but I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Creamy Dreamy (Yes, Julie that is the title) Spinach, Onion and Bacon Dip

1 pound bacon, cooked and crumbled
1 - 10 ounce package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 - 10 ounce package frozen chopped onions, thawed and squeezed dry
3 - 8 ounce packages of cream cheese, softened
1 - 5 ounce package shredded parmesan cheese
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup mayonnaise

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In a medium bowl combine bacon, spinach, onion, cream cheese, Parmesan, mozzarella, and mayonnaise. Spoon mixture into a 2 quart baking dish. Bake for 30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly. Serve with chips or crackers. (I used Stacy's Pita chips)

An invitation to myself

2009-11-20T12:03:00.006-06:00

Ahhhh.... A new day, full of potential and possibilities. A fresh start, a new page, a new beginning.

Yeah, well today is just as crappy as yesterday was. Ya'all, I don't mean to be Debbie Downer and I usually am not. I realize there are tons of other people out there that are going through terrible things. In fact it seems like everyone that I know is going through some really tough stuff right now. I also realize I have so much to be thankful for and joyful for. However, right now it seems like less energy to be pessimestic and pissy so that is what I am going to do. I want to have a pity party and this blog is about me, so I am sending out the official pity party invitation addressed to myself and it starts right now. You are welcome to come if you want to.

I am tired. Did I mention that yesterday? Did I mention that I don't feel like I have sat down in weeks. That my mind is also so tired that I can't seem to complete a simple thought. That loading the dishwasher or thinking about unpacking seems like a chore that is so overwhelming I just choose not to think about it . Or that one of the main reasons that I could not bear to think about going to work is that I didn't want to wash and dry my hair. How ridiculous is that?! I do hate how much time my hair takes me now with this new cut, but come on! I should be able to wash and dry my hair, but frankly 1 1/2 of doing my hair just isn't something that I want to do. I would rather turn my attention to other things - like Thanksgiving and Christmas to take my mind away from all the junk that I am thinking about. I want to bake and cook and eat and cook and eat and eat some more. All that eating should at least make good for a nice New Years Resolution, right?

Then I get mad at myself for being so tired. Like, why am I SO tired. Get it together. What is wrong with me? Why am I so irritated? Why am I so pissy? Why can't I turn my mind off and stop? Why can't I just focus on the good and gather some inner peace and adjust this attitude of mine? I don't know why. Maybe tomorrow.

And then the other thing that is really irking me these days is that I have now become terrified of dying. Like, I need another thing to keep my mind turing nonstop! I have never had this before. Never. And now all the sudden I am terrified. I think about it all the time. Not so much the dying part. And definately not the going to heaven and being with Jesus part. BUT the part about leaving my family behind. As I am writing this I am starting to hyperventalate. My chest hurts. I am so scared.

When Austin and I got on the plane to leave for Colorado I really thought we were both going to die. I was terrified of how my kids would make out, how scarred and devasted they would be. What a burden they would be on my parents that I know love them to death, but would be so overwhelmed with having three kids full time in this stage in their lives. Is this normal? Does this happen when somone dies? Do you start thinking about death all the time? Am I going crazy?

THEN, I start thinking about how sad it would be to know that you were going to die and leave your kids and husband behind. And then I start getting SO sad. Knowing that this is what Austins mom went through. How sad, how scary. It would be terrible, knowing that there was nothing you could do.

I think I am going crazy.

Did I mention that I was tired. I get it, I have three kids under 4. Life is just busy, I am normally tired. But with all of this mind turning nonesense, I am just more tired.

And there's more! Now I am having weird dreams and nightmares. Just add it to the list of things that make me more tired. *sigh*

I don't know, I just need it to all go away.

So, since I am thoughtful and quite the party planner if I do say so myself... I planned a party favor for myself as well. What? No party is complete even if it is a pity party without the perfect party favor. So what better than a comforting verse?

Isaiah 43:1-3

1But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

³ For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

Ahhh....now that is a little better.

Stick a fork in me...

2009-11-19T09:42:00.004-06:00

Because I am DONE. Done with a capitol D!

I am so fricking tired I can't see straight. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster. I am tired of holding it together. I am sick and tired of thinking "What next?!". Not only are we dealing with Gramps dying, but there are several things that are going on that I can't write about. And the real problems is I do not see these things resolved any time soon and they are going to take a huge toll on our family.

ALSO, today on the way to school my engine light came on and told me that my throttle was broken or not working or some shit like that. My car stopped working and we pulled over into a construction site. I was able to get it to start again pull into a gas station to get gas since I was ALSO on empty, but guess what? No wallet.

I got the car started again. We got on to 1-10 and I prayed that the car would stall out on the freeway. We pulled over to another gas station and I was able to scrounge up $3.00 in change. I asked some man to go in and pay for me because if I had to take three kids out of the car to go in and to pay 3 bucks for gas I literally would have lost it.

I want to throw a hissy fit. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "It's not fair!" It is not fair that my husband is going through this, that our family is going through this, that "when it rains it pours" I want to be pissy and angry and not so thankful.

Oh yeah, but I have to be. Since I have to get myself showered and ready to go back to the kids school to have a thanksgiving party with them. I have not done my hair in THREE WEEKS. Mind you I have managed to take a shower and brush my teeth (well, most days) but as far as getting ready and putting make up on actually drying my hair. The last day I did that was the funeral.

I am tired. I am pissed. I am sad. I am overwhemled. I know that I should be thankful for all the other blessings in my life, yadda, yadda, yadda. But today I am not. Today I am DONE.

Not Me Monday

2009-11-16T17:02:00.004-06:00

Part of this past week we left all three kids with my sweet and generous parents and took off to Colorado to help out Ausitn's stepmom with all of the things that needed to be taken care of since his dad's death. It was a lot of work and an emotional time. We are back now and cannot believe that next week is Thanksgiving. Austin and I both feel like we need time to stop and for us to catch our breath, but I don't guess that is going to happen...

In getting ready for this trip I did Not put on a movie for the kids and give them suckers and Count Chocoula cereal to distract them so I could pack. Surely one or the other of those treats would have been a distraction enough, it would have never been necessary to give them both of those things at the same time.

As we were about to take off, the pilot notified us that we had a problem with the door on the plane and we were going to have a delay. It was a new plane and they had touch screen t.v.'s on each seat with games, music and movies that they activated while we waited. I certainly did NOT have a grin ear to ear thinking about the opportunity to have the time to watch any movie I wanted in peace and quiet. When the pilot came on again to say that the delay was going to be long enough that if we wanted to get off the plane I did Not think to my self "Seriously, this is the best thing that has happened to me in weeks - I am not going to be interrupted from my movie!" (By the way I watched Julie & Julia and loved every single solitary second of it!)

While we were in Colorado I did NOT forget to pack a brush or comb. You would have thought with all the time I had to pack (with the great sugary distractions and all) I would have remembered everything, but I didn't. I certainly did NOT end up using a my little pony comb that I found in the bottom of my backpack the entire time I was there.

That's all for me!! Have a fantastic Monday and be blessed!!

Happy Birthday Dad!

2009-11-16T10:43:00.001-06:00

Today is my dad's birthday!

Happy Birthday Dad! I love you so much and appreciate you. I am honored to call you dad and to have had the chance to learn from you. I love you so much!

Lucky to have Gram and Papa

2009-11-10T20:43:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow we leave all the sweet kiddos with their generous, gracious and brave Gram and Papa so we can go to Colorado to help Austins stepmom out. We are so blessed to be able to have Gram and Papa living so close to us and their presence is even more and more important now that Gramps is not with us anymore.

Grandparents living in the same city much less same neighborhood is a blessing and most days we still can't believe that it is actually true. We couldn't do it without them and love them so much.

Thanks Gram and Papa! We are lucky to have you and you are loved and appreciated more than you know!

p.s. Zane has a tendency to run off and close doors behind him. Please don't loose him in one of the "suites". Oh yeah, and McKenna may ask incessantly for candy over and over. When you give in (like I am sure you will) don't say I didn't warn you that candy makes her kinda crazy. And Caleb, well he's pretty much trained at this point :)

Make sure you give them lots of extra snuggles for us!!

Not Me Monday

2009-11-08T19:01:00.003-06:00

We went to Midland Tx last week for my father-in-laws funeral. So an impromtu 9 1/2 hour drive with three kids was the prefect storm for some interesting "Not Me's"

First of all it was NOT me that took the kids to Toys R Us the day before we left and spent 150 bucks on toys and distractions for the kids when Christmas is right around the corner because I felt bad for them and was worried about my sanity. I never buy things for my kids out of guilt, pity, or for my own benefit. Never, simply never.

We did NOT lose my 15 month old son at the funeral home. Everyone thought someone else was watching him and we found him after a few minutes of panic and hyperventilating in a viewing room all by himself with a man in an open casket. I wish I was making this up, but I am not. I would NEVER lose my son, especially not in a funeral home.

I did NOT drive home the last four hours trying not to breathe out of my nose because Caleb threw up all over me and even though I cleaned it off the best I could I reeked like vomit.

Then on the way home I did not try to talk my husband to buying a cross for me at a old nasty truck stop as a "memento" for our trip. I certainly was not emotional and had all my wits about me after 7 hours in the car and clearly would not want to buy something that was marked up 300% at a truck stop.

We did Not take our kids trick or treating a day late because they missed it due to the drive home. We did not have them dress up and call some of the neighbors to give them warning that we were coming. We did not have the kids knock on our door as well to make it seem like they had enough houses to go to.

I warned you. I was quite a week and there are several other "Not Me's" about other family members there as well. Like how McKenna was "lost" in a 9X9 room while uncle BUJ was watching her and how he told us right before that not to worry about him watching the kids because he was not "retarded". Hmmm...

That's it for me. I hope today you laugh and love like never before and enjoy the ride while it lasts!

Contemplation

2009-11-08T18:30:00.000-06:00

I have so many things I want to write about. There have been so many things on my mind lately, but no time to really process them and no time at all to blog about them.

Feelings of mortality mixed with nostalgia are a recipe for deep thought and contemplation. (I suppose that is one of the gifts that those that leave us give us if we choose to take it.) So, Austin and I have tried to take the opportunity to slow down a bit and look at our lives and reflect on where we are and where we want to go. What are we doing right? What could we do better? What are we completely missing the mark on? How are we going to feel if we leave this earth earlier than we anticipate? These questions and many more have led to many long discussions and some changes we are going to make.

I can tell you that after hearing my husband deliver his dads eulogy, I have thought long and hard about my own. It is not the first time that I have thought about it. Thanks to my dad who is a huge Covey fan. (In case you are not familiar with Stephen Covey, he encourages you to begin with the end in mind. So he suggests you write your own eulogy and then commit to live it out) Some may say its morbid, some may refuse to think about such things, and others just put it off. However, thinking about death isn't bad at all, in fact I think it is key to better living. If you are aware that time is short and precious then won't you be prone to spending it better?

So like I said, Austin and I are contemplating many things. I hope that the things that we can change immediately we do and the other things that we want to change happen sooner than later. All in all I hope that we take this experience like any other experience and learn from it. I hope we cherish time more, love deeper, and cling to family and friends like never before.

3:30 am

2009-11-06T21:40:00.004-06:00

Just in case any one ever wants to get a hold of me in the middle of the night and you are not sure if I am up or not, you can call at 3:30am.

It never fails. EVERY night at 3:30am I wake up. It doesn't matter if it is McKenna coming downstairs to creep into bed with us OR if Caleb wakes up and wants his music turned on OR if Zane wakes up with a wet diaper and wants milk OR if Jackson barks at something in the night OR if I wake up to get a glass of water. It is ALWAYS 3:30. I don't even look at the clock when I first wake up anymore. I play this game with myself. I say to myself "Surely it would be too coincidental for it to be 3:30 again, so I am sure it is not." So I get up and take care of what needs taking care of and then crawl back in bed hoping for the clock to say midnight or 1am - (which means I would have more time to sleep) but to no avail. It is always 3:30 or a little thereafter if I have already gotten up.

I am serious. It is too bizarre. It has been happening for months though.

So if you need to call or come by, 3:30 would be a fine time.

Maybe I should start blogging at 3:30 am? I have so many things that I need and want to write about lately and things are crazy busy to say the least. That certainly would be a quiet time to blog.

Great. Now I am sure I will start waking up with random blog thoughts, just to look over at the clock and to realize that it is 3:30. *sigh*

K. Dale Miller 4.23.1947- 10.25.2009

2009-11-03T12:21:00.005-06:00

This past week we laid Austin's dad to rest in Midland next to his mother. It was a bittersweet week that was full of a roller coaster of emotions.

Dale had been Parkinson's disease along with a host of other ailments that had led to a very hard quality of life for the past few years. He had a strong will to live and continue to be there for his family even though his circumstances were not the best. It was bittersweet because we knew that Dale was in Heaven celebrating a beautiful reunion with his wife without any pain, but we also knew that we would miss him so much here on earth.

Watching your husband go through such a terrible loss and knowing that he has buried both of his parents at 31 is a terribly painful road. I ached for him and wanted so desperately to help his pain go away. I prayed for God to give me the right words to say and things to do to help him. God provided by meeting Austin exactly where he was.

Through the week I could literally see Him working in him. Austin went through an amazing journey of self discovery, and growth. I was in awe of how strong and faithful he was in such a tragic time.

Austin was not sure what he was going to say at the funeral or if he was going to be able to say anything at all for that matter. He did not prepare anything and had faith that God would provide if he was able to speak.

I have never heard a more eloquent and beautiful speech in my life. He was so poised and so passionate. As I sat on that first row, I sat taller and prouder. I beamed with pride at the strength and love that poured out from my husband in a sweet and honest testament to his fathers life. He made sure to give credit to all the people in his fathers life that shared in this earthly journey with him. He was able to make everyone feel so special and honor his father all at the same time. I am still weepy at the the thought of his strength. As I watched him, my love grew deeper and stronger than it has ever been. I am honored to be a Miller and stand beside him.

Kenneth Dale Miller, 62, of Johnstown, CO passed away Sunday evening after a courageous battle with Parkinson’s disease.

Born in El Paso, TX on April 23, 1947 to Ronald and Fanora Miller, Dale grew up in Pecos, TX. After graduating from Pecos High School, he attended Texas Tech University where he received a B.B.A. with an emphasis in Finance. Dale worked as a Financial and Accounting Manager for Texaco, Inc. and Owen of Georgia. He served as Director of Fiscal Services for Shallowford Community Hospital in Doraville, GA. He was Vice President of Finance for Midland Memorial Hospital and Clearview Hospital in Midland, TX. Finally, he served as Director of Finance for the Permian Basin Regional Planning Commission until he retired in 1995. He then earned his teaching credential in the state of Oklahoma, and served as a substitute teacher and classroom volunteer for seven years. He worked as an accountant for Goodwill Industries in Oklahoma City, OK for three years, until he entered the final stages of Parkinson's Disease.

In 1972, Dale married Harolyn Kay Bridges, with whom he had two children, Austin and Ryan. After 21 years of marriage, he lost his wife to cancer. In 1995, Dale married Nancy Oakes Reeves and they enjoyed 14 years of marriage together. Dale will be remembered for his passion for life and wonderful sense of humor. His priority was always his family and he experienced no greater joy than making memories with them. He loved playing golf, boating, water skiing, fishing, watching Texas Tech and Oklahoma University football, gardening, cooking, traveling, antiques, and reading. A do-it-yourself handyman, he collected gadgets and tools and could fix anything. Dale was a true Christian who genuinely cared for others, and he would have given the shirt off his back to anyone in need. Throughout his life and in spite of his medical complications, he continued to have a positive outlook on life until the day he passed away. His positive spirit will live on in the lives he touched.

Dale is survived by his wife, Nancy Miller; children: Austin and Ryan Miller, Leslie Reeves Warner, and Brian Reeves; grandchildren: Caleb, McKenna, and Zane Miller, Toban Warner, and Josiah Reeves; mother, Fanora Miller; siblings: John Miller and Marsha Moorhead; and best fur friends: Scrappy, Molly, and Macey. He was preceded in death by his wife, Kay Miller, and father, Ronald Miller.

Gramps we will miss you so much and cannot wait until our beautiful reunion in Heaven someday. Your memory will live in our hearts forever.

Fanciful Fall Food

2009-10-23T13:05:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I had an itch to cook a fanciful fall meal. I was inspired by the most amazing beef short ribs that a chef at work made. They were AMAZING, rich and warm and perfect for the cool weather that we were going to have.

I decided to invite my parents over and go ahead and go all out. It had been while since Austin and I had cooked together so we planned a four course meal with paired wines. We had a great time cooking and the food turned out so yummy! I can't wait to make the short ribs again and try them on top of Gorgonzola mashed potatoes instead of polenta. It was our first time making polenta and although it was good, it wasn't great.

Have you ever eaten worms?

2009-10-22T20:41:00.004-05:00

One of my conversations with Caleb went like this today:

Mommy, can I please have some more gummy worms?

No, Caleb we are about to have some hot chocolate with marshmallows in it and I don't want you to have any more sugar.

Can I have real worms then? *giggle, giggle*

Sure, you can have real worms if you want.

Ewww....Sick! Real worms are disgusting! They are animals. Mom, have you ever eaten an animal before?

Well...yes. Actually chickens are animals.

You ate a chicken!! Gross.

Caleb, you know those chicken tenders that you love? Well, those are made from chickens.

You mean like chickens from a farm kind of chickens?

Yes.

Well how do they make them?

Well...let's see....well. Hmm... Well they kill them, cut them up and then cook them.

Oh.

You can always come home

2009-10-20T10:25:00.004-05:00

I have been having "mommy heart attacks" lately. Where my heart starts to ache and I start to panic about the future and the present going by WAY to fast. I want desperately to stop time. I can't believe that I am probably not going to have any more babies! There is going to be a time where we will not have diapers and sippy cups, and pacis... And although it is exciting what the future may hold and there are many things that are amazing that I am going to look forward to, there is nothing like your sweet babies needing you.

There is a sweet song by Andrew Peterson that I love. I pray that when my babies grow up and my job of raising them is done they will will know how much I love them and that they can always come home.

I love you today and I love you tomorrow

I love you as deep as the sea

I love you in joy and I love you in sorrow

You can always come home to me

There once was a man who found him a treasure

Buried out under a tree

He sold all he had just to own it forever

The treasure is you, you see

I love you today and I love you tomorrow

I love you as deep as the sea

I love you in joy and I love you in sorrow

You can always come home to me

There once were some sheep safe on the farm

And one little lamb got loose

The shepherd went out and carried it home

That little lamb is you

I love you today and I love you tomorrow

I love you as deep as the sea

I love you in joy and I love you in sorrow

You can always come home to me

NOT ME!!

2009-10-19T19:56:00.002-05:00

Of course I always have time every Monday to create some witty post about all the things that I have Not been up to. So it is Not me that is going to post two sentences today and that is that:

I definitely did Not pump out 10 pumps of shampoo like I normally do and then forget that I cut off twelve inches of hair and then I definitely did Not have to wash my hair over and over to get all that shampoo out.

I did Not wear a maternity shirt the other day because I did not like anything else that I put on AND I didn't try to cover it up by tying a hoodie around my waist.

Hope your day is blessed beyond measure and you laugh hard and lots!!

2009-10-15T18:33:00.002-05:00

Make the most of their childhood, take every moment in and savour it. Moms hear that all the time and often share that advice to the new moms that we come across. It will go by so fast...Don't wish their childhood away....

But on the same hand we want them to reach the milestones. We can't wait until they are crawling, walking, eating solid foods, saying their first words, or when they finally get to preschool so you can have a gosh darn minute to think in peace.

The problem is that it is a crazy, never ending, jaw dropping, belly hurting, white knuckle making, fun, exciting, and joyful ride. One minute you cannot drink in enough of the moment and the next minute you are trying to figure out how you can get that sticky, loud, bossy child to stop calling you mom.

Today was a sad day. McKenna's paci "broke". Our wise and loved pediatrician told us to get rid of it months... and months... and months ago. However, me being a much wiser mom with my 5 years of experience compared to his 40 thought to myself that it was not quite the time. I was not ready to give it up. I wanted McKenna to be able to be a baby for a little longer. So...it would have been hard then, but it is probably harder now.

I have always had a large amount of "mommy guilt" about McKenna not being a "baby". She was 5 months old when I found out that I was pregnant with Zane. We were not exactly planning that as I mentioned here. But, as God had it my plans are nothing compared to His (isn't that weird how that always happens??)

I always felt like I didn't have that time to focus only on McKenna. We didn't sit around cooing, oohhing, and ahhing over her like we did the other two. Of course we did with Caleb because he was the first and with Zane because we think he will probably be the last but McKenna probably never got the same amount during her first year. So in turn I have always been protective over her paci which signified to me her being a baby.

I cut a slit in it today and on the way to school and handed it to her to tell her it was "broken". I wasn't quite sure how the scenario would go, but I wasn't expecting what happened. She looked at me with the biggest eyes starting to fill with tears and said "Mommy, my paci is broken will you please fix it for me?"

I could have. I had another one exactly like it in my kid kit. I could have popped that baby out and said "Lookie here. Big bad Mommy saved the day!!" Hoorah!

But I didn't. I knew that part of life is tough. It hurts. Growing is not always fun, but it is always neccesary no matter what stage of life you are in.

I explained to her that paci's get old and she had that paci for a long, long time and she was now a big girl and didn't need it anymore. I told her that she could take that paci to a store and pick out a toy and pay for that toy with the paci, but that the paci was broken and there was no way to fix it.

As we got out of the car to go into the school. I lost it. I saw a sweet friend that has four kiddos and has had to walk this road before.
She said "Hi"
I started to cry.
She asked what was the matter?
I said "McKenna's paci broke"
She looked at me like I was crazy and then realized what I was talking about.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out. She exchanged her paci for a pound puppy, which made me cry even harder because I had a beloved pound puppy as a child named "Hugs".

The jist of it?

Darn it, parenting is hard!! I feel like I am fumbling around in the dark stubbing my toes 90% of the time. I am praying 100% of the time. And hopoing 100% of the time that I will get something right and not mess them up too bad. BUT the good news is that God is good. He knows where I am going to mess up and where I am going to get it right. He has plans for us all and in will meet me exactly where I am.

One thing that brings me such comfort is a very wise mom said "God knew which child would be first, middle, and last. He planned it that way. He knew what each child would need, what each child would do with the time give to them or the time lacking. He knew what he was doing when he gave you the children that He did when He did."

I love that. I think and pray a lot about what I can do to be a better mom to my children and how I can meet their needs, but it is also so interesting to think that God knew what they were going to get and what they needed based on how they fit in the family.

Time IS precious. I want to savour it, but I don't want to waste time by unnessicarily worrying about things that I cannot control. So, what will I do?

Well, I will do the best I can and leave the rest up to Him. I will grow right along side my sweet children and we will all be better for it. And I will enjoy the ride, even if it is terrifying, scary and sad at times.

Not Me Monday

2009-10-12T14:46:00.002-05:00

It is NOT me that at any given time I have more food in the cushions and under my couch that in my cupboards.

It was NOT me this week that swore off giving my kids popcorn almost a dozen times and then finally gave in and have popcorn found in every crack and crevice in my house including the couch cushions.

It was NOT me that seriously considered putting my kids to bed at 5:30 one night because I was SO tired that I didn’t care about any ramifications of everyone getting up at 4 am the next morning.

And finally, it was NOT me that put Zane in his crib and let him scream for 15 minutes while I vacuumed the floor (aforementioned popcorn) since every time he sees the vacuum he thinks it’s a carnival ride and tries to ride it and it takes me an hour and half to do a 15 minute job.

That's it for me! Have a blessed week!

I didn't get the memo

2009-10-08T11:11:00.005-05:00

The other day Zane and I set out for a day of shopping at the mall. One of my favorite things to do with my kids when they are in a stroller and content being there is taking them to the mall. There is lots to see and it is a great way to get out of the house without being outside in this HEAT! (I am so stinking ready for the cool temperatures to come - it's October already!)

Anyway, I love the one on one time I get with all of my kiddos. I love going to a movie with just Caleb or taking McKenna to the McDonalds by herself. Every once in a while it is so nice to have that time to give 100% attention. However, it is SO funny to me how people react so much differently to one baby in a stroller than to three kids in tow. People stop and look at Zane and say - "How sweet" "What a cutie" "What a precious little one". He could be doing nothing or he could be smashing a cookie all over himself and making a gigantic mess and he will still get the same reaction (if it is just him)

Well on the other hand if I have two in the stroller and one either walking or in the sling - I get "Woah, you must be busy!" "Looks like you got your hands full" or my favorite the look of "Don't you know what causes that?!"

Now, I know what you are thinking we must be running through the mall disturbing everyone in sight to get those reactions - well we aren't. Not that there haven't been days like that - remind me to tell you about the time when we went to Whole Foods - (I can't believe I haven't posted about that! I must be trying to block it from my memory) However, it doesn't matter if my kids are angels or not - when we go somewhere with all of us we get those reactions. Maybe there is discrimination towards people with more than two kids - I don't hear any of my other friends that have two kids getting the same reaction - or maybe I didn't get the memo about having your kids spaced out a certain number of years...

Regardless, I know life is busy, and hectic, and unruly at times. AND I do have my hands full taking care of three kids 4 and under. But, life is good. We are blessed beyond measure and each one of those sweet kiddos as much work as they are still are "Sweet", "Cuties" and "Precious little ones". And even though I enjoy my one on one time with each child - I love it when we are the circus that we are because it means that we are all together.

Not My daughter Monday

2009-10-05T12:57:00.003-05:00

So today is my mom's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! You look great and I am blessed to call you mom!

On Saturday night we had a little party for her, complete with a pink pony pinata. Hey, in my book no party is complete without a pinata no matter what your age! Although I am sure McKenna has been around a pinata before this is the first time that she really participated and she LOVED it. In fact she liked it so much that it was NOT my daughter that the next day requested to Daddy that she wanted him to wear a blindfold, she gave him a bat and told him that sweet baby Zane could be the pony - POOR ZANE!

Hope your day is blessed beyond measure!

I LOVE CVS!!

2009-10-05T12:42:00.005-05:00

Okay so a sweet friend of mine told me about the coupon clipping she has been up to lately. I use coupons when I have them and I shop the sales, but the deals she was telling me that she was getting were truly UNBELIEVABLE!! Most of the stuff was pennies or free when it was all said and done - I don't know about you, but I LOVE free stuff.

So, I decided I would give it a try. It is a bit of work and you have to be organized and make lists and be willing to incorporate your meals during the week around the sales, but to save literally HUNDREDS of dollars on groceries it is at least worth a try.

Here is one of my latest purchases at CVS:

2 boxes of frosted mini wheats cereal
2 boxes of special K cereal bars
2 boxes of 4 count Shick Titanium razor refills
2 stouffers lasagnas
5 gallons of water
1 secret deodorant

So are you ready to know what I got all that for? $19.25 and $8.00 back. So basically I got it all for $11.25!!! Just to put that in perspective ONE box of those razor refills sells for $10.89.

I was pretty impressed. Never mind that my receipt that printed out at CVS was literally longer than Caleb - so I can't say I am doing much to save the trees.

BUT there were sure some good coupons on there to use next time!

Hair, no longer there

2009-10-05T11:00:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I made a big change and cut off 12 inches of hair to donate to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. They use the hair to make free wigs for women that have lost their hair due to cancer. I have wanted to do it for some time so I was glad to finally do it. My hair was so thick, that they had to make two separate ponytails to cut it. They say it takes about 6 ponytails to make one wig - that is pretty incredible! I hope it is a blessing to someone else and if you are interested in doing it then click here for more information.

The "New Do"

Campout

2009-10-03T12:21:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Zane's Birthday Party!

2009-09-30T10:10:00.003-05:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

prayer for today

2009-09-18T12:38:00.002-05:00

So I am way behind.... I have SO many things that I want and need to blog about, but life happened this past week and a half and I have been pulled in several directions. I am going to get it together though. I went on a date with the hubs last night and recharged my batteries a little bit and I have gone to bed the past two nights at a fairly decent time. So I will get back on track soon. But for now, this is my prayer:

Lord, today can you please grant me patience when my children dump their bags of crushed crackers on my newly swept floor. When my sweet girl who is “sorta trying” to get the idea of potty training takes of her poopy diaper by herself and says “yeah mommy I did it” while she runs through the house flinging poop everywhere. Can you also help me find the peace when all three kids are running through the house chasing each other with various objects, one of which being a spanking spoon. Can you help me find joy in playing with the kids when I have days worth of laundry piled up and dirty dishes coming out of the wazoo! Oh and one more prayer, if there is any way possible can you please allow me the gift today of pooping in peace?

Sweet surprise present

2009-09-09T13:02:00.004-05:00

I love surprises. I love presents. I love to give them and I love to get them. I do have a problem though. I do not have much patience and the anticipation and excitement gets to me EVERY time and I rarely wait to give a present when I am supposed to and I rarely am surprised by a present given to me. I either use my keen deductive reasoning skills and figure any gift that may be given to me OR well, here it goes.... I sneak and find out what the gift is. Yes, it is true. I don't know if there has ever been a Christmas present that I have ever got that I didn't know what it was already. I know it's just horrible. I just can't help myself though! I get too excited.

I love to be surprised though. My mom pulled a surprise party off when I was younger and it was great and Austin got me a camera for my birthday once that I was not expecting at all. But all in all, I can say there have not been many times in my life when I have truly been surprised.

Well, God knows us better than we even know ourselves. He know exactly what we want and exactly what would be best for us. He can see the big picture and always knows best.

Today is the 1st birthday of my sweet baby Zane. The sweetest surprise gift that anyone could have ever given me! God did a work in creating Zane and bringing him to our family. We were not planning on having any more kids and I was planning on being a surrogate for a dear friend. My pregnancy came out of the blue and was a shock to all and was truly bittersweet. I had to tell my friend that I was pregnant and not able to be a surrogate. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I was devastated, she was devastated. I was confused. We were content not having another baby, and she would have died to have another baby. Why did this happen?

It took me a long time to reconcile all the feelings that I was having. I had many long talks with the man upstairs and one day it hit me clear as day. It was a gift, a sweet surprise present. God knew me better than I knew myself and this baby was for me.

Zane (meaning gift from God) is a joy in my life. He is so fun. His personality is precious and he brings me so much happiness. I cannot imagine life without him and every time I look at him I am reminded of God's sovereignty and His gracious gifts.

So, Happy Birthday Zane! I cannot wait to see what great and special things God has in store for you!

We cut the cord...

2009-09-08T20:53:00.004-05:00

The cable cord that is. Yes, we actually willingly canceled our cable TV with premium channels and HD and we returned the DVR equipment.

*GASP!* I know, I know. What are we thinking? How are we going to live without Grey’s, 24, News, The Office, and not to mention all that “riveting” reality TV?!

Well, I think we will manage just fine. Actually we have managed just fine.

What you ask led up to the decision to take such drastic measures? A couple of things.

First and foremost it had to do with time. The kids watched a couple of shows in the morning. Caleb wanted to watch one during rest time. Austin and I would watch a few hours at night. It all seemed pretty harmless. Well, one day when I was complaining about not having enough time in the day to do everything I needed I said out loud if I just could add one more day to my week I could do it all. I wish I could add a day, but I can’t. But what I figured out is 3 hours a day x 7 days a week is 21 hours. That is pretty darn close to a day. So Austin and I decided to do a TV experiment and cut out all TV for 2 weeks and see how we fared. It was a lot easier than we thought it would be. What on earth did we do at night with our extra time? Well wouldn’t you know…we talked! *Gasp* Again. We actually sat down and talked about our days, future plans, our current struggles. It was great. All the sudden we magically had more time to do the things that really needed doing and the things that we wanted to do, but never seemed to have enough time to do.

The second reason that we cut the cord is I wanted to be able to monitor more of what was coming inside our house and into our minds and our kids’ minds. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of great, interesting and educational shows that present great learning opportunities BUT there are a lot of not so great ones. I didn’t like that my kids were so easily influenced with the commercials and the messages that they needed certain toys or foods. Frankly, it scared me some of the slogans and phrases that they were able to recite just because they had seen a commercial once or twice. And not to mention the violence and sexual innuendos they would see on the On Demand previews while I was trying to get a show like the Bernstein Bears on for them.

Until I really took a step back I didn’t realize how many messages bombarded our family on a daily basis. Now, we can choose the shows that we watch and the messages that come with them. We joined Netflix and have enjoyed some really great shows (The Planet Earth Series is FANTASTIC) and the kids still get to pick out a movie to watch now and then. It is amazing though how peaceful our house seems. (Well as peaceful as a house with three kids 4 and under can get) We put on music more and we dance and sing. And we TALK. It is so important to me to establish strong communication in our family because I know that when adolescence hits it is going to be like pulling teeth to get any talking out of anyone. I am hoping that by not having the easy escape of TV we will build a habit that will get us through some of those tougher times. If you REALLY want to get me started I will talk about all those families that go out to dinner and every kid has a DS or and iPhone and the parents are on texting away on their Blackberry. Just another great night, spending some quality time with the family, right? AHHH!

Sorry, I digress.

My husband is a little sad about college football. We do have a digital tuner so we can pick up a couple of channels and he thinks that any games that he would be interested in seeing would be on those channels. The only caveat is that he has to watch them live (just like in the olden days, can you imagine?). No recording and then fast forwarding through all those commercials or plays that he is not interested in. We also decided that if there was a game that we are interested in seeing then we should get a babysitter and go on a date.

So all in all, cutting the cord has been a good thing for the Miller Big Top. Who knows how long we will do this – maybe for a while, maybe forever? We will just have to wait and see. Right now though, I am going to go grab a cup of tea, take a bath and then sit on the couch and talk to my hubby.

cooking, cooking, cooking!

2009-09-08T12:54:00.005-05:00

For the past few days I have been cooking up a storm! I love to cook a ton of meals and freeze them in advance. It saves money, it is so much more efficient, and it makes me feel super organized. It probably goes back to that "always being prepared" mentality that I talked about here.

Anyway, one of my best friends just had her first baby and I was planning on bringing her a few meals anyways so I decided to go ahead and stock our freezer up as well. The trick is to find an item on sale and then do several different things with the same item. Example. We got boneless skinless chicken breasts for $1.69 a pound and decided to do mainly chicken dishes. We spent about $300 on groceries and made the following:

3 chicken spaghetti
3 king ranch chicken casserole
3 chicken and mushroom pasta
6 chicken tortilla soup
12 chicken quesadillas

We also made:
3 beef stroganoff
3 turkey enchilada casseroles
8 spaghetti sauce
3 french onion soups
3 loaves of pumpkin bread
steak fajitas
carrot cakes cookies
a loaf of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
AND I made a yummy steak and blue cheese salad for my friend and ourselves.

I don't know about you, but that is A LOT of meals for $300. Oh yeah, and I bought all the stuff to make a super yummy sausage and cheese tortellini casserole, but I can't find the actual recipe yet so I will have to keep digging...

Now my freezer is filled and I am ready to face the witching hour head on because I have already answered the question "What's for dinner?"

Ahh...the simple joys in life.

pizza party

2009-09-03T12:53:00.009-05:00

One of our friends organized a Back to School Pizza party. The kids all got to take turns going into the kitchen and making pizzas and then watching them come out of the oven. It was a fun time!

getting ready for the toss..

it went a little crazy, but he created a nice spin

McKenna got to do it too!

The finished product! YUM!

2009-09-03T11:56:00.009-05:00

Well, we are back in school! So far, so good. They like their class, and the teachers and I am getting more done that I can imagine with only one babe at home. Why did we all think it was SO hard with that first one?!

Here are the first day of school pictures:

Caleb and McKenna started on two different days, so for Caleb's first day of school "treat" he wanted to go to McDonald's and get ice cream and a toy (I didn't get any pictures). McKenna wanted to go to the candy shop!

Here he is eating a DISGUSTING gummy snake. When I told him "yes" he could get a gummy snake I didn't see the size of it - sick!

Life's a Beach!

2009-08-30T20:39:00.008-05:00

We took the kids to the beach for the first time and it was a blast! The weather was perfect and the kids ran and swam more than ever.

Here is our set up - pretty nice if you ask me!

Miss Lynn getting our space all nice and tidy - man, they thought of everything!

Headed out to sea...

McKenna on shark patrol. Well, okay not really. There were lots of questions about sharks, whales and giant squid on the way there, but we curbed the fear as much as we could. McKenna is just enjoying the view.

Boogie board.

Boogie board.

And more boogie board. They LOVED it!

Dare I say it was "cold" in Texas in August? Well, it wasn't cold, but the kids were chilly enough to need to get warmed up towards the end of the day. Did I say the weather was unbelievable!!?!

Sweet Zane, along for the ride and having so much fun!

Nothing more Texan that enjoying a snack in the back of a truck with a big 'ole American Flag. Well, I guess we could of had a Texas Flag... maybe next time.

A good time was had by all! I am already planning our next trip back.

I want to be "Just Like"...

2009-08-25T20:02:00.005-05:00

I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that the kiddos have been at each others throats at times throughout the summer. Well that just goes with the territory when 1) they are so close in age 2) McKenna looks up to Caleb so much and wants to be just like and do just like him 3) they are competitive.

Well the other night McKenna insisted on wearing Diego pull ups just like Caleb and jammies like his too. So cute. What a sweet compliment to Caleb, that his sister wants to be just like him. If you ask me, he is a pretty great kid to want to be "just like".

Not Me Monday

2009-08-24T03:23:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Not Me Monday! Let the fun begin!!

Okay, so note the time of this post. This week I am not missing Not Me Monday. I have been up ALL night thinking about this post and making sure I am going to get it posted before the sun comes up. Well, not really. I am up. I can't sleep. So, I am blogging rather than staring at the ceiling and listening to a quiet house.

Can't sleep when I can, and can sleep when I can't - how's that for a Monday morning tongue twister!

I think delirium may be setting in...

Anyway, let's get started.

It was Not me that found Zane behind the recliner the other day. What you ask was he doing there? Well, somehow there was a chick fil a box with one nugget in it... Zane was having himself a little snack. How, why and how long was the box there with a nugget in it behind my recliner? Well, umm... I am not quite sure.

I wore a really cute top to work the other night, but it was sleeveless and it was the kind that cut in far enough that your bra straps would show. Instead of just putting on a strapless bra or using one of those handy bra clips that they sell on infomercials (I would have used one if I had one), I definitely did Not grab a "chip clip" out of the pantry and ask my husband to secure my bra into a t-back style. I would never go into a professional environment wearing a chip clip attached to my bra- how unprofessional and uncomfortable.

When laundry was piled up to the ceiling the other day and I needed a pair of underwear. I definitely did Not use a swimsuit bottom instead. I would never let my laundry get so out of control that I did not have one single pair of clean underwear. That my friend, would be ridiculous!

I most certainly did Not give my 11 month old a pop tart for breakfast. I mean I am not a nutrition natzi by any means, but come on I would never give my baby unnecessary sugar for breakfast just because it was easy.

Hope YOUR day is blessed beyond measure and you LAUGH HARD and LOTS!

I hope MY day includes a nap!

As the summer comes to an end

2009-08-20T08:02:00.008-05:00

Busy, Busy, Busy.

We have been busy this last week. I missed Not Me Monday because my mom and I went out of town for a mother daughter get a way to Dallas. We had a great time. It was a nice break and we laughed a lot.

Now we are back and busy as ever trying to get all the things done as the summer comes to an end. As life has it, we are cramming in quite a few things at the very end. Chuck E Cheese, Chick Fil A, a swim play date with some of our old neighbors, and a make your own pizza party.

Here are the pictures from Chuck E Cheese. More pictures of all the other things to come!

ASSumptions

2009-08-13T22:14:00.000-05:00

A wise man, who just also happens to be my dad once told me that when you “assume” you make an “ass out of u & me”.

When I think of all the times I have gotten myself into complicated situations, or when feelings have been hurt, or when there is a misunderstanding it is usually because something was assumed. We didn’t take the time to clarify a work arrangement, travel plans with friends, a financial agreement, or holiday plans. We think to ourselves “Of course that is how the situation will work out, I am sure everyone is on the same page.” More times than not a simple clarification of expectations or a statement of feelings from the beginning would have stopped any possible problems. I have stuck to this thought process as much as possible when it comes to business, social organizations, and even friendships. However, it dawned on me the other day that I assume a lot of things with my husband and kids. I assume they know how much I love them, how smart or funny I think they are, and how much I enjoy spending time with them. I assume that they know that I am proud of them, or that I trust them to make good decisions, and when they don’t that they will seek reconciliation and forgiveness. When I think about it, I assume a lot. So... my conclusion?? I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t like being an ass.

I want to make sure that the people that I love know it. Not only that they know it, but they know exactly why. I want to make sure that I never assume that they know that I think they are special and that I am blessed for being a part of their lives. I am working on (for lack of a better word) “mantras” for each one of my kids and husband. I try to tell them on a regular basis how much I love them, but this will be a little more. I will be something simple and unique to the characteristics and personalities that they posses so I can make sure that they know that I am their number one fan. I am sure that through the years that I will get the “Yeah, yeah Mom. I know that you think I am great. Blah, blah, blah.” However, it is my hope that I will plant the seeds in their hearts and minds that will let them know that they are created for a purpose and that they matter. I hope that when they are down or unsure of themselves before they start the first day of school or try out for a new team that these words of love will give them the security they need to be the person they are supposed to be. My goal will be that the affirmation will be engraved in their minds and allow them to stand up for themselves and the beliefs that they have.

Hmm… Wonder if my dad ever thought that a saying with “ass” in it would lead to such deep thought.

McKenna is a Nut!

2009-08-13T02:23:00.002-05:00

Okay so maybe she acts like a nut sometimes, but she really does have a quirky nut problem. Anytime anyone is eating a nut, albeit a macadamia, a walnut, a pecan, a peanut or even an almond she wants one. What is the problem with this you ask? Well she gets one, two, or a small handful and chomps them up in her mouth but she does not swallow them. She walks around with her cheeks full of crushed nuts just like a chipmunk and never swallows them! She will keep them in her mouth for several minutes, maybe even longer and then I will have to put my hand in front of her mouth so she can open up and spit them out. She has done this for several months and we have not given her any in a long time, but today she asked for some almonds and sure enough she did it again. I am not sure why she does this, but she does. She's nuts!

The Masterpiece

2009-08-11T15:46:00.007-05:00

The kids wanted to do something "fun" today. After swimming, a picnic, making puppets, watching a show and coloring.... they still wanted to do something fun. So we decided to paint.

All you need is a palette of paint colors,

A blank canvas,

and willing artists with LOTS of energy.

Voila! The masterpiece!!

You gotta love it. It's an inside, no mess activity that is fun for all!

Not Me Monday

2009-08-10T12:33:00.004-05:00

This past week was SO much better than the last few. We had a lot of fun and we have laughed lots.

We had a super outing at the Dollar Store and got lots of fun new stuff for crafts (I LOVE the dollar store don't you?) It was Not me that managed to spend $42 at the dollar store - not sure how that happened, but like I said we got a lot of fun stuff. We also went to an awesome new indoor playground and then the candy store afterward, but my pictures did not turn out! Boo, I need to get an external flash - maybe for Christmas.

It was Not me that took a picture of our trash because I thought it looked hilarious with the amount of diaper boxes we had. Come on when you are buying diapers for two and pull ups for one, you gotta buy in bulk.

It was Not me that decided to clown around while eating Cheetos and take pictures of myself. *please do not try this at home, it may result in unnecessary cheese residue left in your ears and nose*

Not sure that I can top those, so on that note... Hope you laugh hard and lots today!!

Good Stuff

2009-08-06T20:23:00.005-05:00

I try to be a "don't sweat the small stuff" kind of person. I do a pretty good job most of the time. I don't worry if my kids want to wear an outfit that doesn't match, or if they went to bed one night forgetting to brush their teeth, or if they are the only kid not smiling in the class photo. Life is way to short.

I also don't obsess over baby books. Don't get me wrong, we have them and I have tried countless times to remember to fill out the teeth chart, the weight/height chart, and all the "firsts", but in the end it just wasn't working. I would forget to write down when their 5th tooth came in and then I felt like I was behind. It came down to me feeling like I had to be sure that I have ever detail written down because that is what I was "supposed" to do. I mean is Caleb really going to care 30 years from now that I wrote down that his 2nd vegetable to eat was peas!?

What I do want to remember is the "Good Stuff". Like the sweet and silly things that they say, the feelings that I have when I see them accomplish something they worked really hard to do, or when they perform an unexpected act of kindness towards someone.

Believe it or not, I also want to remember the "Not So Good Stuff" as well. I want to be able to tell them how they overcame the first time that a friend betrayed them, when they get turned down for a team they tried our for, or when their heart is broken for the first time. I want to be able to use their own stories to help show them where they came from and how far they have come.

On February 5, 2008 I wrote this to Caleb:

Tonight we were snuggling on the couch while you were watching a bedtime show. You interlaced your arm with mine and looked up and me and said "I Love You". It was the first time that you told me that without me saying it first. How amazing! The things that you are learning, feeling and experiencing. You will be 3 soon and I am amazed and humbled each day by your personality, your sweet temperament, your humor, your kindness and the joy that you exude. I am so honored to be your mom.

Today, I write this to McKenna:

My sweet baby girl. You are growing and learning so fast. It seems just like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital. I remember distinctly how sweet smelling you were. I couldn't drink enough of you in, I was mesmerized and amazed by you. Today you still continue to amaze me. Most days it is in the way that you manage to maneuver through the day like it's an obstacle course without severely harming yourself and on other days, like today it is with your sweet words.

Earlier I was carrying you. Nothing special going on, I was just trying to hold you and clean the kitchen counters. You nuzzled your nose on my cheek and kissed me. You leaned in and whispered "I Love You" out of the blue. It almost took my breath away. How privileged am I? I have the honor of being chosen to be your mom. It terrifies me on some days that I am the one that is going to have to model behavior for you on how to be a friend, a wife, a mom. I worry sometimes that I am inadequate and won't say or do the right thing. Then I am reminded that when I don't have the answers I know Who does. I find peace in the knowing that as much as I love you, Someone loves you more. As much as I want to protect you, Someone wants to shelter you more. As much as I worry about your future, Someone already knows your future. I am humbled today that God chose me to travel this journey with you and experience the "Good Stuff", and I am glad that He will be here through it all.

Summer Fun

2009-08-04T20:38:00.002-05:00

The pictures from the summer photo shoot are in! Poor Zane was feeling so bad and had a fever, but the other kiddos had a BLAST! It was a great time and a good way to capture some summer fun memories.

Click here for the link and the password is blue.

Enjoy!

Not Me Monday

2009-08-03T07:26:00.002-05:00

This past week was challenging to say the least. I was one of those weeks that I was so exhausted that the most menial tasks seemed like climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. I was just trying to get by moment to moment. My husband and I got away for Saturday night and I got a GREAT night sleep last night, so I am feeling like this week is going to be different.

Since last week were were just "making it" it seems there were quite of few "Not Me" moments:

I would certainly Not wear the same shirt three days in a row and really not care. It was Not my thinking that at least I had a shirt on and if anyone had a problem with it...well, then they could take it up with me and they would be sorry they did! (see how grumpy I was last week?)

It was Not me that also couldn't find anything clean to wear to the summer photo shoot that we did for the kids. Instead of choosing to wear the same t-shirt again, I threw on a sleeveless tank dress. It was no problem at all, I looked a little bit more cute that I had been all week. Oh, except for the fact that I forgot to shave my armpits...

It was Not me that didn't brush my teeth until after 3 one day - at least we didn't leave the house that day. (see what I mean about menial tasks?!)

At one point when we were loading up in the car to go to the store all three kids were crying, whining, or griping - LOUDLY. They were making such a ruckus that when a neighbor walked by she looked at us sympathetically and said "How are you hanging in there girl?" It was Not me that smiled real big and said:
"Oh just another day in paradise!"

It was Not me that served my kids pizza for at least three meals this past week (okay maybe more) and one day it was cold pizza for lunch.

It was Not me that decided to brave Hobby Lobby for a single piece of orange ribbon for a hair bow I needed to make for the pictures. I have much more sense than to drag three kids into a store that is strategically designed to make sure that a child knocks off glass figurines, gets lost in the infinite maze of plants, or starts making their Christmas lists in July. It was Not me that walked outside the store still holding my breath in anxiety and then noticed that they have a liquor store right next door. I did Not have this thought that ran through my mind...Coincidence or strategic real estate placement....hmmmm?

Hope your day is blessed beyond measure and you laugh hard and lots!!

Blog Design

2009-08-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am on a waiting list to have my blog redesigned by Jenessa with Once upon a blog. Check out her website. She does some amazing designs and has a fun contest going on right now.

Summer Pictures

2009-07-30T08:05:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we had some pictures of the kids taken by a photographer that I met through work. Her name is Alison Carlino. She is AMAZING! Not only does she take really beautiful and creative pictures, she is so good with kids and a lot of fun. She decided to do a summer special where you could pick three activities (bubbles, chalk, large lollipops, trampoline, baby pool, sprinkler, and silly string) and then the kids play and she takes pictures. Brilliant! No more stressful, posed pictures. The kids had a blast.

I dressed the kids in really bright summer colors and then Caleb took his superhero cape and we got some great pictures of him "flying through the air" on the trampoline. It will be a great summer memory. She is putting them all in a bound book with a linen texture to it. When she posts the proofs on the web, I will let you know.

You should stop by and see her work - Carlino's Photography

She is also doing a really neat photography class once a month, that I am so darn excited to be a part of. I will finally learn how to use all those settings and buttons on my fancy camera - yea!!

I want off!

2009-07-29T08:28:00.006-05:00

You know the crazy spinning ride that they have at the fairground part of the circus?

You know, the one that slightly smells like vomit from the previous riders. It has the vinyl pads that you rest your body on that are usually sticky. You are not sure if they are sticky from some kids cotton candy hands or from the aforementioned vomit, but they are sticky and slightly smelly none the less. (Are you getting the visual?)

Anyway, it spins and spins around and at the last minute your body slides up in the air and your feet are off the ground because of the gravitational pull. Your face is sucked back against the wall and hair flies into the air and you are not sure where you are and when it is going to stop.

Well, I feel like I have been on that ride these past few weeks. I am going around and around. Getting through the day, but not getting things done. And when I say not getting things done, I don't mean like laundry and housekeeping - because that never really gets done. We manage it, but it never stops. I am WAY over trying to tame that lion.

What I mean is at the end of the day I look back and I don't like how crazy its been, or how short I have been with the kids because I am stressed out about being somewhere or doing something. I don't like feeling that we just "made it through the day" rather than "making something of the day". I realize that not everyday is going to be some big party with these great memories. I realize that some days just plain suck (sorry, but they do and you know its true) However, I lost perspective over the past few weeks of the bigger picture. I was letting the day, the tasks, the activities control me. I needed to step back and get a clear view of what was going on and that was hard to do spinning around in circles with my face stuck against the vinyl and my hair in the air.

So, I want off! I am getting off the crazy ride and I am choosing to going back to making intentional decisions. I am going to try to keep perspective, realizing there is a bigger picture. I am going to prioritize again and so "no" when I need to. I am going to realize that I can do everything that I want to do, I just can't do it all at the same time.

I know that I will be back to the stinky, smelly, spinning ride again. It's inevitable. I am not sure why we do that to ourselves, but we do.

For now though, I am going to enjoy the fresh air and the feeling of having my feet on the ground.

Not Me Monday

2009-07-26T09:37:00.003-05:00

This past week we had Vacation Bible School at Second Baptist Church. It was amazing! The kids loved it and SO much went into the preparation and production. It was an awesome experience. I can also say that now because I have had two days to recover from it.

Here at the circus, we don't plan many things that where we have to be somewhere at a set time, especially when that set time is 8:30 in the morning. I have a hard enough time getting a single child out of bed a dressed at 8:30 in the morning, much less the entire circus. That being said this weeks "Not Me's" are about our VBS experience last week.

Last Monday on the way home from VBS, I was so excited that I actually made it to the car with all three kids and arm full of crafts that did not blow away in the parking lot. I put all three kids in the car quickly so I could load crafts, stroller, diaper bags, and other essentials. After we got home, I went to get McKenna out and it was Not me that in my excitement forgot to buckle her belt! I was horrified and did my thank you, thank you Jesus prayer! - sheesh, I am still thanking Jesus.

It was Not me that went out to the car do go to VBS and looked down and realized I had my husbands boxer briefs on(come on you guys, I can't be the only one that wears them around the house - they are so comfortable)! I waited until the last minute to put my jeans on (yes I said jeans in the dead of heat in houston - it is FREEZING in our church) and almost forgot!!

It was Not me that put all three kids to be one night last week at 6:30. They were tired, but I was more tired.

It was Not me on the night that I actually got them all down to bed early that when I went to sleep I COULDN'T. It ended up staying up until 11 when I went to bed at 8:30! Ahhh! I hate that.

On a side note MckMama, the woman responsible for creating Not Me Monday is in the hospital with her sick baby. Stellan is not doing well at all. Please say a prayer for them. It has been a really difficult 2 days for them and they are not quite sure how to help Stellan.

Have a great week and be blessed!

Welcome to the Miller Big Top Circus

Praline French Toast Casserole and Cheesy Southern Quiche with Country Ham

NEW ADVENTURE UNDER THE MILLER BIG TOP

On the Pecos Texas Trail

What the Heck is that, Wednesdays!? (WTHIT)

Salvation and Rice

We've got a screamer!

Cooked Cotton Balls

Toy Tyranny

The Bird

What's your story

Keep your eyes on me

Anyone still out there?

Me? You mean me?

Late night town hall meetings

There is a monster at the end of this post

Who knew they had sheep at this resort?

Why I work

Secret BoobyTrap

Hiatus

I wish I was making this stuff up.

ball smuggling

So what's a mama to do?

Are you a MD Mama? *UPDATE*

Just like McKenna

A beautiful mess.

Wilkins Jahonga

Miller Prep Academy

bloggers block?

FAT TUESDAY

Happy Valentine's Day!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Julia Child dinner party

Oreos and Ice Cream Sandwiches

Italian Meatball Subs

Faith and Action

French manicures make changing diapers glamourous...

Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

NEW YEAR, NEW BLOG

Christmas Recap

Biscuit Pudding with Southen Comfort Cream

NOT me

I feel like a dumb ass

Please do not use your hot dog as a light sabor and other words of wisdom.

Crock Pot Chicken

A Not feeling like me kind of week

Nothing left to live for...

Since most of you say that you like reading my blog because it is "real"

NOT me today

Snow day in Houston!

Thanksgiving Dinner

G.G. and GrandPOP

If only.

NOT Me Monday

The Line-up

Darryl & Pie

My Candy Ho

Not me Monday

So all good things come to an end,

An invitation to myself

Stick a fork in me...

Not Me Monday

Happy Birthday Dad!

Lucky to have Gram and Papa

Not Me Monday

Contemplation

3:30 am

K. Dale Miller 4.23.1947- 10.25.2009

Fanciful Fall Food

Have you ever eaten worms?

You can always come home

NOT ME!!

Not Me Monday

I didn't get the memo

Not My daughter Monday

I LOVE CVS!!

Hair, no longer there

Campout

Zane's Birthday Party!

prayer for today

Are you a MD Mama? UPDATE