A beautiful mess.

I am so glad that I started this blog. Although, sometimes I feel like I need to post more, be more witty, or have more depth...but this is not planned out like some edited story. I try to do my best, blog as often as I can, and not to stress about it. If it was some edited story, I am not quite sure the inside of my car would resemble the largest trash dump, my laundry would rival the heights of Mt. Kilimanjaro, or that my kids would go to bed in a combination of mismatched clothing/pajamas on most nights. No, I am quite certain that if it was an edited "made for blog" script that it wouldn't look like that at all.

But ya know what? It isn't a script. It is my story. What I am feeling and thinking at that exact moment. My struggles, my joys, my frustrations, and my many mistakes. Those of you that know me well, know that I ain't too good at hiding my emotions. Y'all going get what you get.

I often wish that I was the person that could smile and nod and say "Everything is perfect" "Life is a dream" - even when it is not. But I was not made that way. Not that the way I was made is perfect. I need to work on holding my tongue and picking the words I use wisely. That is something that I struggle with. However, when I feel passionately about something (or sometimes just plain think it) it comes right out of my mouth. AND if I try to hold it in, it does no good because it is seen all over my face and my body. Let's just say I have a TERRIBLE poker face.

So back to me being glad that I started this blog...

I am glad because it is me. The real me. I hope that someday when my kids will be able to really know me. To see the progression of the person that I am today, and the person that I am growing into tomorrow.

Someday when they call me asking me for advice on what to do with their crazy out of control kids, I will say to them:

"You guys were never like that. My parenting was just perfect. Y'all never argued or were out of control"

And they will be able to go back to this and say

"Mom you are full of CRAP - I can't believe you lost Zane in a funeral home and left him with some dead guy, that McKenna ate tacks, and that Caleb had the fit of all fits in Whole Foods one day proclaiming that you were burning him!" (Which I later found out came from that fact that he had a sore on his hand and when I was guiding him by his hand out of the store it "burned him" - well tell that to the CPS onlooker that just happened to be there buying gluten free chicken tenders on aisle 4 - seriously what kid says "Mom, you are burning me?!")

Remind me again why I want to tell on myself?

Oh yeah, because it is real. For some reason isn't it so encouraging to know that you are not alone? That life is crazy and not perfect. That we are all a mess. I want people to know that.

(umm... like they probably didn't already when they see our circus coming without shoes, or hair bows, or see that our nails haven't been clipped for a while, or that we had pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... *sigh* )

I want my family and friends and my kids someday when they read this to know that. Life is hard sometimes or just plain hectic, but you press on. You take the good with the bad. You make due. You're flexible and you try to find the joy in it all. You realize that someone always has it worse than you and someone always has it better. So what?! What are you going to do about YOU - today - now?

I hate that some of the "famous" bloggers that I am reading out there are under attack by others. That someone is nitpicking everything that they say and do and sending such hate their way. How terrible. I can't imagine the negative comments filling up your inbox when you are just trying to be who you are. Don't they know that everyone has their thing? Some are prideful, some struggle with alcohol/drugs, some are fearful, some are jealous, some are lustful, some are angry. We all got something. We all struggle. Most of us are trying to be better people. To love more, to give more, to be just plain better.

The saddest thing would be not to learn and grow. Not to do anything about it. Just to stay complacent.

One of my favorites songs is my Matthew West called "You are Everything"

It gets me every time when he says:

I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I’d ever care to confess
But You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Perfectly said.

We are all a beautiful mess. But there is so much more that is meant for us. We just have to figure out what that means to us individually and then go out and try to live it.